These are just some realizations and thoughts I've been having as I work on myself each day. they may or may not help some of you but I thought I should post them here regardless.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I can't change the past no matter how much I may want to.

I cannot deny my actions or the pain they've caused. I cannot deny the events that transpired in my life. I can however deny their importance to who I am now. More importantly, I can deny their importance to who I will be tomorrow.

I am not the same person I was a few years back. I will not be the same person I am today, tomorrow. The person who lived those moments is long dead. I should not grieve for that person, I should celebrate their departure.

The past though painful can be a tool. Through honorable intentions it can be used to mold my actions in a positive way.

Records of my past will fade over time, but only if I build new records and memories. Only if whenever I encounter a link to that past, I throw it to the wayside. If I sit stationary and refuse to push forward I will constantly be at the mercy of memory.

I have to want to change. I cannot be lazy in this. Change is arduous and backbreaking both mentally and physically. The past is weakness. the future is strength.

I cannot mend what is broken and out of reach, it has to heal on its own. I can only focus on what is broken and within my reach.

Actively forgetting the past is not the same as forgiving yourself for the past. In order to move on I need to learn what I can from it, and learn to forget that which doesn't matter anymore.

I need to learn to forgive who I am now, for the actions of who I was then.

I need to remember that the bad does not erase the good. The good however, can quell the bad, so long as I strive to make my present state as good as possible.

I need to balance honesty with emotional amnesty. Some things are so unimportant that they simply do not matter and need to be relegated to the trash bin of my mind.

Actively forgetting details which cause you pain is not a weakness. It is actively making room for better memories at the forefront of your mind. You work through what you can, and throw away the rest.

I need to try and remember that I am not the worst person on the planet. This might seem ludicrous to some, but to me it is reality. I feel like scum. I go to sleep feeling like scum. I wake up and after ten seconds I'm hit with the realization that I am scum. I need to separate myself from that way of thinking If I'm to be of any use to anyone.

It's ok to be a wreck sometimes.

My past does not define me. I wrote my past, but that also means I can write my own future.

Guilt can be useful. I need to work on guilt transitioning from a crippling frame of being to becoming a pang which guides my actions in the right direction. Memories of guilt should inform you, not inhibit you. It evolved as a tool of empathy, not as a tool for torment.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope these can help some people.