Cheaters Anonymous Community Group

This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.

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So much shame and regret.

theabeb
theabeb

Im studying abroad and theres a guy I met that I knew liked me. I had no interest in him at all. 


A couple nights ago I got really drunk, I made out with a girl and then him. The girl left and then we went to a motel together. We started to have sex but I felt so terrible because I kept thinking about my boyfriend so I begged him to stop and pushed him off me. 


Im so happy in my relationship, im so confused why I did this. I had no interest in him at all. I didnt want to have sex with him AT ALL. I dont even think hes attractive. 


I told my boyfriend and he says he forgives me, but he thinks the guy took advantage of me and I didnt really consent. I was so drunk I dont remember if I did, but I do remember crying during the sex and not wanting to before. But i also remember him shaking me and saying he needed help, so i helped him put his penis in. So did I want to???? Im so confused. 


I just feel lost as to why I stayed out and got drunk. A good girlfriend would have gone home early. I feel my boyfriend blamed the guy too much and that he should be more mad at me. Mostly, I just feel like a dirtbag. I know I will never put myself in this situation again. 


I also feel like I answered a question Ive always had about our relationship. Ive never felt stronger that I want to be with him,and only him, forever. Being touched by someone else was awful. 


Any advice on how to forgive myself and move forward? 

bunnyhabit
bunnyhabit
the fact that you helped him penetrate you says you wanted to have sex with him. alcohol obviously played a major role. do you think possibly you were also drugged with estasy to drive up your libido to physically crave sex even though emotionally you were resistant? you hopefully have learned you should not drink or party without your boyfriend with you. no sense crying over spilt milk as cannot be fixed.

just focus on the future and guard against putting yourself in a compromising position that could lead to a repeat performance. if you feel weak call your boyfriend immediately to come to your rescue. you know your weakness now so protect your relationship from ending. i don't think your boyfriend will be able to forgive you again.
explorer2018
explorer2018
Hi, I think your judgment couldn't be truly trusted at that moment because you were drunk. Stop blaming yourself too hard for what happened. I think if he saw you crying he must have stopped even during the sex because that is a sign that the consent you have given prior (if there was) is no longer there.

I know this sounds hard to believe and I also continuously convince myself most of the time, but you are not a dirtbag and you are not a bad person. I believe you must accept that to be able to move forward. Accepting without judging that this or that is wrong, just accepting that these things happened. So you can find compassion for yourself. I also tell myself these things, and when I see myself being drowned in guilt and shame, I just try to tell myself that I accept me for everything I am and everything I will be.

Just don't be too hard on yourself! We're here to support you!
scienceislife
scienceislife
U feel bad for what you have done. That matters the most. It was a one time event and you were able to judge your situation from it. It takes courage to own up to your mistakes. So please don't blame yourself.