Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
I'd really appreciate your perspective on this...
Since your affair, where you experienced the excitement of being with someone different and new, did your spouse start to seem like boring "old news"?
Since my H has experienced the fun of a "shiny new toy", heard all new life stories, got to tell his own life stories to fresh ears, etc. - I worry that he now going to be bored with me. After 27 years together, there is little mystery... He's heard all my stories and I know his. He knows every inch of my body and that I'm readily available for sex, so there's no exciting "challenge".
Do you think my concerns are warranted?
Did/do any of you feel this way about your spouses?
Quick recap of my story, should there be any new folks here: my husband fell in love with a close friend. They had a 2 year long affair, which ended when he decided not to leave me (she wanted to marry him). It's been over for about a month (or so I'm told..), but he's still occasionally seems sad and distant, grieving the loss of her.
Your insights and advise would be greatly appreciated!!
You should not be feeling like yesterday's leftovers. This is the damage brought on by your H's affair. Be your own therapist and re-frame how you are thinking. There is something comforting and loving about being with someone who knows you so well, faults and all, and who still desires you and wants to be with you.
I do not know that he is wistfully thinking about her. More likely is he is resentful that he can't have a wife and a mistress.
If he wanted her, he'd be with her.
That being said, I knew I was going to have to be a better girlfriend than the girlfriend. That's what I did. I knew about her, but she didn't know this about me. So in a way, my H cheated on his slut with me, his wife. So instead of me being compared to her - it was the other way around.
Do what you have to do. Be a better mistress than the mistress and have fun doing it. Make him blissfully happy he is with you and not her. This is not a time for self-pity or self-doubt.
I think your strategy to be a better girlfriend than his OW would work with my H (it’s probably his dream come true! - jerk...). And, truth be told, I’d be happy to oblige (I know I’ll be crucified for saying that by others - allowing myself to be a “doormat”...).
The hard part is controlling my heartache and rage at times. I want to forgive and move on, but the toxic images of them together live in the forefront of my mind and torment me. I become sad, angry and incredulous about how he could actually do what he’s done. 1.5 years later, I’m still shocked.
You once advised me not to wait for him to crawl back and beg for my forgiveness. And I know you’re right - at least for now. But I think that is the only thing that will help me to move on. I need to know, and hear him say out loud, that he realizes how foolish he’s been, loves and desires only me and can’t imagine living without me. Oh well...