Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
Hey, it's been a while since I've posted. Some of you may remember my story. If not, here are the details: http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/cheatersanonymous/discussions/messages/20693287).)
It's been nearly 6 months since D-Day, and nearly 4 months since W and I stopped living together. We did counseling for a while, but that has tailed off. And we see each other for dates here and there, but there is no intimacy. If I try to give a kiss, she avoids it. If I say I love you, she says "thanks."
W also has been talking a lot lately about setting a "time line." She doesn't think things will ultimately work out, and she doesn't want to stay in limbo forever. I agree with not being in limbo forever, but I also feel a bit like all this time line talk isn't giving things a fair chance. Like she has a predetermined idea of how this will go, and isn't open to alternatives.
Do folks have advice for this? I can say I'm definitely in a better place mentally...I'm not killing myself with shame nearly as much as I was. I know what I did was bad, but I don't feel I'm a bad person...my close friends have helped reinforce this as I've opened up to them about my failings. All that said, this is still a tough situation, and I'm not sure if more time is the answer...or if it's simply time to move on.
It's been nearly 6 months since D-Day, and nearly 4 months since W and I stopped living together. We did counseling for a while, but that has tailed off. And we see each other for dates here and there, but there is no intimacy. If I try to give a kiss, she avoids it. If I say I love you, she says "thanks."
W also has been talking a lot lately about setting a "time line." She doesn't think things will ultimately work out, and she doesn't want to stay in limbo forever. I agree with not being in limbo forever, but I also feel a bit like all this time line talk isn't giving things a fair chance. Like she has a predetermined idea of how this will go, and isn't open to alternatives.
Do folks have advice for this? I can say I'm definitely in a better place mentally...I'm not killing myself with shame nearly as much as I was. I know what I did was bad, but I don't feel I'm a bad person...my close friends have helped reinforce this as I've opened up to them about my failings. All that said, this is still a tough situation, and I'm not sure if more time is the answer...or if it's simply time to move on.
As for the time line, it probably is wise to have somewhat of a time line rather than to go on in limbo forever, but when too much focus is placed on the timeline, you cannot focus on enjoying each other and/or working things out (or not). IMHO, you two should relax a bit and not try to jump into the future too quickly by second guessing what will happen when the timeline runs out.
I hope this makes sense. I am glad that you are doing better, feeling better.
Don't think she's seeing anyone, but not 100% sure. It's not a huge worry, I guess, among all the other things going on. Lower down the list.
I totally hear what you're saying. Relax, and enjoy our time together and see what will happen. I like that idea.
As for my relationship with my boyfriend, though--we are still going strong. :-)
He is a medical doctor so he has been able to help out a lot with the situation with Mom. Answer questions, explain things to my family and I etc. Helps a lot!
And I sure am looking forward to seeing him when I get home tomorrow night!!! :-)
Now I could be way off base, and if so I'm sorry.
It will be hard, but I think I'd end up enjoying single life in time. I haven't really dated before...I've had two long-term relationships in my life, and that's it. I think I'm so much more aware of who/what I am now than when I was younger, and I think I could benefit from meeting some new people. Life is just beginning for me.
Sarah - Sorry to hear about your mom's scare, but glad to hear about your relationship!