Cheaters Anonymous Community Group

This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.

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onendone 12/15/2013

Last week, I told my wife about a brief, unintentional, visual contact I had with the other woman. It was no big deal, but I told her about it anyway. I also commented that my emotional reaction to seeing her was kind of "Ick" with a dash of resentment.

All those pounds my wife and I lost? Yeah, well she seems to have found them. She looked bloated and dumpy, and certainly well outweighs me now. My wife's response was that she hoped she would turn into a 400lb heifer and get bad acne and premature wrinkles.

That totally cracked me up! My wife has a caustic sense of humor, but I love it.

I replied that I didn't have my glasses on or get close enough to confirm about the acne, which she does have, but I did know she also has rosacea, and that I'd let her know if at some point I got at closer look.

I see this exchange as a good thing. My wife hated that I had previously defended the other woman and now I'm joining in the fun of ripping on her. It was therapeutic for my wife to release some anger, and it was for me as well, because I have quite a bit of resentment built up toward the ex-other woman. It also gave us a "yeah, go team!' moment that we've been missing for so long.

So my question to you all is:
Has your betrayed spouse made some disparaging remark about the affair partner that you agreed with, enjoyed, and chimed in on?

I'm looking for mostly funny stories here, but I'm interested in all.

deleted_user 12/15/2013

It's nice that you and your wife are talking and bonding again .

It's healthy to be able to release some steam and have good laugh too.

I'm also glad that your wife is eating again.

Best of luck to you, my friend.

deleted_user 12/15/2013

You are doing so well, Bro. As an X Other Woman, who his W will never know about, I hope he does not think of me in any way that is derogatory! My ending it with him was a struggle. I truly loved him. We had so very much in common.

Our passion for The Arts. English Literature. He seduced me with Shakespeare. I wrote lots of Erotica and Love Poems for him. So I hope he does not think me in any way that is derogatory!

onendone 12/15/2013

Tantric - I certainly didn't mean it as something derogatory toward you or the position you're in. If you saw it that way, I do apologize. Every situation is different, and I do have many good reasons for resenting the ex-other woman. If I touched a nerve, I didn't mean anything by it. I was looking for funny stories. I was probably being insensitive, and I'm sorry.

Finding the humor in the direst of circumstances is my main way of maintaining my sanity. If I stop laughing, even for a moment, all I have is the crying.

We've all been pretty tense here for the last couple of weeks, and I just wanted to loosen things up a bit with a little chuckle here and there.

Sadtobeow 12/15/2013

Onendone, I am happy that you and your wife are finding a way to bound. Laughter is the best medicine and I understand her anger towards ex-ow. Happy for you both. Good luck.

Sadtobeow 12/15/2013

Tantric, I feel the same as you. I love my ex-MM. He seduced and chased me, not the other way around. I spent the last five years of my life with him. I finally ended it as you know. I hope he never thinks of me that way. But a huge part of me hopes I can eventually think of him the way onendone think of the ex-ow. His wife the beautiful women that she is does not know and I hope she never does. Would not want to have her hurt the way I do.

CloverMoon 12/15/2013

You know it could backfire on you. What if, in the future, your wife gains alot of weight. Will she think back to this time when you were making fun of the xOW?

LyraAryn 12/15/2013

I'm glad that you're feeling good about your bonding with your wife. In all seriousness, though, I think you should find something else to bond over. This could backfire and ultimately be destructive. Think about this--what could happen if/when your wife starts really thinking about you devastating her for a woman you are disparaging? What does that say about you? What if your wife starts to think that you think badly of her? Infidelity takes a long time, years, to get over or for the pain to diminish. All kinds of thoughts are still waiting to arise and do their damage.
My h once referred to his OWs as "scumbags" and "trash". I will be honest, I said that about them, but to listen to my h say it about them made me even more disappointed in him. I mean, why ruin the lives of your wife and children for someone you think is so lowly? I also just felt he was saying that so that I wouldn't explode--just some nasty kind of lip-service. I don't really have a lot of sympathy for OWs when they knowingly get involved with married men, but I know my h lead them to believe there was more to these relationships than he wanted there to be.
I didn't mean to be a downer on your thread, but I just want you to bond and laugh about other things that can strengthen your relationship. Good luck.

DaisyMae 12/15/2013

Agree with Clover and Lyra. My first thought would be, "We'll damn. What nasty things did he say to the OW about me?" That's setting yourself up for a whole new level of resentment.

deleted_user 12/15/2013

And Onendone, I am thrilled that you and your Beloved Wife seem to be moving towards reconciliation!

onendone 12/15/2013

Thank you, Goddess. And thank you for understanding that no harm was intended to anyone here, there, or anywhere, especially you, whose council I treasure. The point was that humor will save us when the last light goes out. Humor will make the arrows in our backs look like porcupine quills. Humor lets us draw comic strips with the blood from our noses.

Humor helps me reconnect with my wife.

Last night, my wife tore me a new one about the affair, but in a humorous way. It cut me to the bone and crushed my heart, but it was still pretty damn funny. This is just part of why I love her so.

onendone 12/15/2013

I appreciate everyone's concern over possible backfires over my wife's potential weight gain or disparaging comments about the OW, or fear that your affair partners may speak that way of you. Some details you may not be aware of are that my affair partner misled me as to just how done with her husband she was. That makes me the "other man", so I'm in the same position as many of you. I know of at least one disparaging remark she made about me to another "other man" she was in a sense cheating on me with. Who knows what she may have said to all the other "other men"? Now that her husband has blackmailed her into attempting to reconcile, wouldn't I assume that they are both having horrible things to say about me?

Do I care? No. I'm focused on helping my wife heal. Nothing else matters, and if we can have some fun doing it, so much the better.

deleted_user 12/15/2013

Absolutely, Dude. But there are some on this board who are post-affair and are very glad to have it over, but actually loved their AP's! But I am so happy you and your W are probably going to work things out!

onendone 12/15/2013

Oh, we're still getting divorced; the hearing is this week. It's what she wants, and I can refuse her nothing. All I can do is remind her of why we were together. If letting her go is the only way I can manifest my love for her, then let my love show.

... did that just rhyme? There may be a song in there somewhere.

onendone 12/15/2013

Okay, here's what I had in mind. I read Gabrielle's book to my wife out loud over the internet this past week. I kept on starting to cry as I read. Not easy. We decided to make it a thing I do for her. A nice lovey thing I can do, and a way for her to keep track of what I'm up to and read the books herself. So I started another book on communication. I went to the house today to hang a picture for her and pick up a bookcase, and she tossed a stack of other relationship books into my car and asked me to read those for her too.

Funny, right?
So I asked, "Are these going to make me cry too?"

This is the kind of humor that keeps us sane. This is the kind of humor that makes things better. This is the kind of humor that heals. This is the kind of humor I was looking for.

Any takers?

Gabrielle48 12/16/2013

Actually onendone, my H and I joke about the affairs quite a bit. Heck, in the book he named my two OM Clyde and Buba! Now that's pretty funny!!! Oh, what would those guys think if they knew about this book and the names they were given. *giggle*

We don't really make jokes about the guys a whole lot, but when we do it lightens things up and it is usually pretty funny. What's really interesting is that both of the guys actually have the exact same first name but OM #1 never goes by that name and OM #2 goes by it part of the time. This same name is also my brothers name who is currently married to his OW. I really gotta watch out for guys with that name!

If you all don't know, and I think by now you probably do, Cole has now been diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. It's pretty devastating but he has a great attitude about it and we actually make PD jokes a lot!!! I agree with you that it just takes some of the heaviness out of a really heavy situation when we make light of it, especially if we are both enjoying it and being sensitive to each other. :-D

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