Hi Jason, I'm glad you brought up this topic.

Can you or any other BS give a good guesstimate about how many BS's have thought about , considered or even started a revenge affair?

Hi. Im a BS and it happened 30 years ago. And yes i think about it a lot. At least once a month. I talked with women about it and why I was thinking about t. I had many offers but never went with it. I sure think about it often.

I've thought about it. I might do it, but probably not. I do know my H would have to give me a "pass" if I did.
After all, that is what I did for him and his l o n g - term affair!

I understand why BS's would want a retaliatory affair but guess what...it wouldn't work. Unless you get emotionally involved with the AP you won't know one iota what a CS experiences. It's not about sex, it really isn't. It's about intimacy & feeling like you can comfortably tell the AP anything without fear of judgment. Just like a fairytale.

I never seriously considered it. But a similar question on the Infidelity forum I asked some months ago revealed it a serious temptation for many. So much so I included it in my traps a BS can fall into article.

Clover, I doubt many BSs would cheat because they wanted to experience what the CS is going through. While the reasons can be varied, most who do it, do it because they want their CS to experience the pain they are going through. Thinking if they do, maybe they will "get it". It's about the CS experiencing what the BS is going through, not a desire to have an affair. So for most revenge affairs, it matters little the quality of their own affair. One might enjoy the sex, but that isn't the reason they are having it, in most cases.

Every once in a while such As will result in a real chemistry relationship that becomes more long term. Mostly, though, they simply add to the pain of both partners, make rebuilding that much harder, and the CS isn't likely to feel the same about being cheated on that the BS does. Someone who has been through their own A will not experience being cheated on the same as someone who has been faithful. IOW, they still aren't likely to get it. It will hurt, but will feel more like they had it coming than true betrayal.

My POV, anyway.

Excellent, Cole! It is all about having the CS experience the pain!!!!

Sorry, I stand corrected. In 2006 I found out my H was having an A. I remember all too well the pain thinking H loved someone else. My A started in 2010 and I can assure you it was not for revenge. I truly thought I had found the love of my life, my soul mate. Now, like Madea says....what the hell was I thinkin????

Thanks for all the replies. Yes I definatly think it would be about harm more so than the feeling Clover your is obviously a different case. I know that I would or could not have one out of spite.
I would never want to put my wife or anyone threw the amount of pain that the affair caused me.
I also think that if you did it woulf really in all logical points of view be worse than the first affair even though I do not like to compare one sin/mistake for another. They are both affairs after all.
If one had an affair to do direct harm to there spouse I would probably look at it as worse than the original affair because, (and I am not taking CS side or BS side on this one) but I do believe that a lot of the CS out there not all, Do accualy have hearts and never really intended to crush ther faithful spouse, that the spouse just kind of ended up in that situation.
I think that directly having an affair to hurt someone would be a violation of morality as far as you are just using the AP and you are directly trying to do harm to your spouse.
I also see how in such a confused and harmed state of mind yourself it sure can seem like a good idea, did to me. (She has no idea the pain I am going threw and does not seem to care a lot of the time, let me show her how it feels.) At least that is what went threw my mind when I would get angry at times. Only when I would be lost in my own self pitty i guess and usualy when I had drank to much.
Anyway thank you all for the responses.

Note storm, I'm not saying that is a good reason to have an affair (that list would be very, very small if it exists at all), only that many, not all, BSs who do have affairs in response to an A do so to lash back for being hurt that way. I don't at all agree with that reasoning. But as Jason said, a lot of BSs do think about it for that reason, but don't go through with it. I have no idea what the percentages are.

Not all BSs who do have them do so for that reason though. Another common perception is they see their marriage vows as binding on them, so even though they may have wanted to have affairs, didn't. Once those vows are broken, they now feel free to get their fill however they can, no longer restricted by marriage vows they see as no longer applying. Especially true if the marriage hasn't been going all that great before the A. They may see their CS's A as their get out of jail free card. Some say they are leveling the playing field. Etc.

So the reasons are varied. But I've yet to hear a BS say they were conversioning or had one in order to experience what it is like to be a CS like their spouse. Not that it doesn't happen, but I don't think you'd find many, if any, BSs who would say that's why they wanted or did have one.

conversioning = considering

Not sure where that came from. lol.

Jason

I started out the BS-and 18months later became the CS. Was it intentional? Hell no. Revenge? Nope. But, it did answer the question of, "How did he let this happen?" It happens very easily. My, I could never have an affair attitude went right out of the window.

You see, affairs have no race or gender boundries-no ethnic or monetary boundries. EVERYONE is capable of an affair. My never coulda woulda shoulda turned in to a full blown love affair.

Sending support and prayers!
dody

Yes, it's not a distinct moment of..I'm going to have an affair, to hell with my M. It's very slow & I hate to say it but usually the AP knows exactly what they are after & knows exactly how to get you you into it. They get you to talk about your M & the problems in it. Then they tell you how they wouldn't treat you that way & you begin to think you've found the person who gets you. The AP is your dream come true. What a crock!