Cheaters Anonymous Community Group

This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.

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bepeters04 02/03/2015

Hi all! New to this group. Very happy that I have found it as I have been poking around the internet looking for "cheating advice" for some time. Needless to say most of my results were not very helpful!

I am a single mother of two. My children are from two different fathers. I have cheated on everyone I've ever been with, besides the father of my firstborn. I am a serial cheater. I love the thrill that comes from it. I truly love the man that I am with, he is my best friend. I wear the fact that I haven't cheated on him like a badge of pride.

It is getting quite serious between us and I know we are headed for engagement... I am so worried that I will act on the desires (that never seem to go away) that I have to involve myself with other men. I don't want to do that to my boyfriend. But the desire is *always* IN me. It feels like an intrinsic part of who I am.

I thought for a time that once I found "the one" that these feelings would magically go away. That when you find your spouse you want nothing but monogamy. It's a sad reality that the fairytale is not true.

My question is, do any CS's have advice? I avoid situations where cheating may occur, but what I'm really looking for is to kill this desire for the thrill of the chase. Any comments would be incredibly helpful and appreciated.

Thank you! God bless.

jaymee4647 02/03/2015

May be time for counseling, seems like an addiction. Maybe treat it medically.

bluesky4 02/03/2015

I agree with Jaymee- you need to seek individual counseling/therapy. I know I had to when I ended my A. It opened to my eyes to what was broken inside of me. It is not an excuse for my behavior and cheating at all. I needed that insight as to why I did what I did, so that I will not repeat the behavior. Good luck, and please seek help. There is truly no shame in seeking therapy. If you don't connect with the first therapist, don't be afraid to seek another.

TheChaser 02/03/2015

It just might be a part of you to be a "predator" (that's what I like to call it but not in a creepy way). Its possible that part could fade away but I don't think so. It could be your personality! Are you also competitive?
You should definitely get therapy. I'm not a therapist so take my advice with a grain of salt.
I think you should accept that part of yourself and be honest with your boyfriend about your problems. Keep him posted on the ways that you're feeling. Go to couples counseling, even though everything is pretty good.
If you cheat and he takes you back. Hopefully the explosive aftermath will be enough for you to stay faithful.

"If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail."

illinoisman 02/04/2015

Yes, counseling. Also, be honest with him in ALL things. Thoughts, feelings, urges. Ask HIM for support. The root of unfaithfulness is lying. Good Luck!

Lenoire 02/05/2015

Discovering your desires and where they stem from is paramount if you want to manage them. To attempt to "kill" them as you say, will not produce satisfactory results. Psychotherapy can help you understand where these desires come from, and once you understand them, you will be in a better place to manage them.

I wish you well.

bepeters04 02/07/2015

Thanks all! Counseling is in my future. Chaser, that does sound creepy but is fairly accurate. I am having a hard time thinking about how to have this discussion with said boyfriend, though.

Lenoire 03/02/2015

Counseling should be in your present, and not future if you want to understand why you do things. Having a discussion with your boyfriend about your urges to be unfaithful would be a huge red flag to him. I would tread carefully.

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