Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
I have been a bit mia because I haven't seen my AP or even spoken to him as much the past month. I started seeing a psychiatrist but still haven't worked up the guts to tell her about the A. I go in every week and I cry about my job and low self esteem that comes from it. I don't know if I am ready. I also was going to tell my best friend. Her and I took a road trip this weekend and discussed infidelity, open marriages and polyamory and I was feeling her out and I decided not to tell her about it either. I was only going to tell her for my own sanity and I thought she was on to me. We vacationed where my AP lives and I got to see him, she went back to our hotel cause she was too tired and I was able to have a night away with him where I heard his SO yell at him over the phone for sending her flowers at work and embarrassing her. It broke my heart. I was drunk and told him I loved him, not in a romantic way, but in a- it's killing me to leave you here like this and not be able to make things better because I care about you way. For those of you that don't know Im happily married. My DH and I discuss polyamory quite often, I think I'm just built to love more than one person but here I am having an A and keeping it a secret from everyone. My friend ended up having no clue that my AP and I were having a tryst while she was sleeping back at the hotel and that made me happy.
I think having something that is my own, this secret is making me feel alive, like my own person for once and I can't let it go. I don't want to tell anyone.
Anyone else in this situation?
I think having something that is my own, this secret is making me feel alive, like my own person for once and I can't let it go. I don't want to tell anyone.
Anyone else in this situation?
I just found that to be incredibly insightful. I have to admit I would probably be guilty of thinking #2 with anyone who I knew was capable of an A. People will remember it forever; smart move on keeping that from friends. I would strongly recommended telling your psych tho. It was a relief when I discussed with my counselor.
You mentioned feeling like your own person and keeping the secret. That is a big part of A's. Autonomy. I gave up autonomy after the A (a great deal anyway) was found out in order that I could save my M and rebuild trust. The trade off for that was that my H and I have developed a closer bond than we have ever had through lots of hard work to recover and create a new M.
I went to therapy after Dday. I probably would not have gone before so at least you are going and you are here. I was of no mind to do either during my A. I do think, though, that since you are going, I hope you get up the guts to tell her soon. You may be wasting your time and/or money on therapy unless you do. Unless you feel you are making progress dealing with other issues. I'm sure when you are ready you will tell the therapist.