Cheaters Anonymous Community Group

This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.

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timothyfreeman 07/03/2015

Has anyone found much therapeutic use in the Enneagram? https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/guide-to-all-riso-hudson-tests/

I've found it radically revealing, both for shedding light on why I was cheating, and also why I was cheating on HER.

Doesn't excuse anything of course, but makes it so much easier to realize it's not just character "flaws" buy TYPES...

I'm a 7 (Enthusiast) and I wonder how many cheaters are?

imnoangelangela 07/06/2015

I took the test and read the results. It is quite the glance into my personality. I'm a 4 primarily. Enthusiast (7) wasn't in my top 3 even. :)

Reading the 7, I can see why one would think that would be the "cheater type".

shoretimenow 07/06/2015

I actually thought this was a really interesting post as I have worked with other tests in interpreting personality types. Its a pretty accurate and insightful exercise. I saved it.

I also got a 4 and it is also a glance in my personality (maybe that's the cheating personality lol).

I think the reasons for cheating vary so greatly and I'm not sure there is really one personality type. And many will disagree, but I don't think it is a 'character flaw' for all. I think the choice may have been a 'flaw' if you will , but I don't think all that surrounds what brings one to cheat can be chalked up to a 'flaw'.

Thanks for posting!

mikemnn 07/13/2015

Just took the test (thanks for sharing!) and I'm mainly a 2 (Helper) and a 7 (Enthusiast). Helpers are people-pleasers and possessive, while Enthusiasts are spontaneous and scattered. Looking at this, I think it makes sense why I did what I did (http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/cheatersanonymous/discussions/messages/20693287). Certainly doesn't excuse it, but lends some insight into how I work.

Also, was interested by how 2s and 7s cope with their dominant emotions (shame and fear, respectively). 2s attempt to control shame by getting other people to like them and accept them; 7s deal with fear by trying to see exciting opportunities ahead. This describes where I'm at right now pretty accurately. I feel pretty shameful, but I am slowly talking to friends (and a counselor) and hoping I can get some support and positive affirmation (i.e. "you did a bad thing but you're not a bad person") I also am trying to be positive about the opportunities that lie ahead...I can work toward rebuilding my relationship with my W and it can be even stronger than before!

timothyfreeman 07/13/2015

My counselor says that 4s and 7s are often extremely alike, and difficult to distinguish.

I'm at a very new low in my committment to reconciling with my wife. After 105 days, I see no signs of hope from her end and we're scheduled for divorce in 30 days. Oddly, I'm relieved and looking forward to a new life free from the persistent fears of a Type 6...

Help me out group! Can I try harder?

imnoangelangela 07/21/2015

I would say that there is always hope until the divorce is final.

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