He sounds like he's abusive.

Pinkpony66 i just don't have the strength. All i want is my kids to be contented in life. I've messed up my life but I will not give up on them. I pray for this man everyday hoping he'll meet me halfway- man up for the things the way it is. How can it be one person destroying a marriage. Is there anybody out there intentionally not wanting to be happy?

I regret having an affair wholeheartedly, but what I don't regret is for the first time ever I felt free to be just me. With all my flaws. It has nothing to do with my ex-AP- this i've come to realise. Can anyone to relate to this?

That's awful that he is involving the kids in that way! It is so unfair to them. Are you guys in MC? I know when I'm frustrated with my H and about to say something about it to my kids that I need to stop myself and get help (and communicate my concerns to him later instead). There's no reason for kids to have to bear the burden of their parents' issues. Sorry you're going through that.

Just Drifting as harsh as your words sometimes (most of the time) are, it rings with some truth.. If you understood my relationship with my spouse you would relate to what I meant by being me. I'm terrified to bring up most things which aren't admin with him because all the replies I would ever get is "Oh. Really" or no reply at all . Or he'd make me feel terrible about what i'd said. . He is the only person in my life right now that never asks me what my dreams and goals are or where I see myself with work or in life. Yet I am always listening to him his career. None of the gifts i ever bought him
Is used (even before the affair) and it's not to say he doesn't like it it's his ego or something. But he would purposefully use other gifts given by friends. Most of the time i wish he would speak to me or smile with me like he does with other people- he is a completely different person. Cheerful, happy go lucky. I never get to see this- the closest ive come is bursts of it while we were dating and on some big ocassions. We've fought on every big ocassion over something stupid I can't even remember what. When I look at pictures it's all I remember. I'm trying to hold on to the little positives there is- and just greatful that I have a roof over my head. I'm trying to find happiness outside of my marriage- and no not by having another affair ( its toxic ). But by finding my passion in life. JD, how do I earn his forgiveness when I'm rejected most times. It's affected how I feel with no sexual desire at all- i just feel ugly. And the only times he's been 'nice' to me is when he wants sex:( and i cant refuse him but there's nothing there.

There's no MC. Hoping to start IC next week. Why can't he see that it's going to take both of us to make it work??

https://www.affairrecovery.com/

Seriously, if you want to fix your life and marriage then go to this site and read, read, read as if your life depends on it. Enough this bullshit that your felt free having the affair. If that is what you want then just get divorced and be done but if you want to save your marriage and family then go to this site.

Sorry for referring to how you feel as "bullshit". I have been going through a tough week bu that is no excuse.

You really should check out the affairrecovery site that I mention above.

Again, sorry for how I expressed myself. It is very good site and will make think in new ways.

Sedge it's okay haha- and you're right. It is bullshit- it wasnt meant to be an excuse for why i cheated there never is. You're never a victim of your own circumstances (my H would disagree) - i had pleased to my H many times before i had the A to go to MC to talk to someone outside of our marriage but he insisted theres nothing to talk about that we can fix it- but it nust led to the same thing... For a long while before i had the affair i had been spending time alone -treating myself to breakfasts- or just grocery shopping alone "me-time".. That's when i knew the emptiness in my marriage had gone way too far (little did i know what was still coming) Sedge I know this has been a rough week for you and I hope there's been some peace in between. I will check out the site

In reading in DS and thinking about my own M.. I have come to the conclusion that ANYTIME one spouse says to the other anything about seeing a MC, the other spouse should consider it a shot over the bow that the recommending spouse is already or soon will be in an A. In my case I never brought it up until after D day as I knew it would be fruitless. Should have.. But W did agree that she NEVER would have gone. She would never admit to even a paid shrink that her M was anything other then perfect. Well, her M wasn't perfect... I knew it and she found only after "the perfect M ending bomb" got dropped on her. But that was never my intent.


Maybe I should go post this on the Healthly Relationship forum..

Leavingabetterman: point taken, though an affair was not on my mind at all- it was the neglect - dealing with a miscarriage followed by being bedridden with a surviving twin and being neglected and ignored repeatedly as if i did not exist - the mass of emotions and that I couldnt speak to him about what i was going through as he basically shut me out. another man was very far off the radar for me- i was just trying to survive day to day. How are things now? Post DD?