Cheaters Anonymous Community Group

This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.

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Out of the fog

silversprings77
silversprings77
Some of you may remember about 6-7 weeks ago when i joined this site that I was deep in the fog. I had just been found out by my hubby and was going insane about what to do. I went NC and only slipped once and that was painful. So its been a month renewed NC today and I have to say...things are not always rosy but I am emerging from the fog and realizing just what a scum I was and am working towards a much better relationship with my hubby. I haven'et yet gone through the box of mementos but all VM, emails, texts, and any means of contact are erased. Yesterday I saw his FB page in over a month and was able to satisfy myself that he a) hadnt changed the things that drove me nuts and b) he is doing better and also realize that I felt a sense of closure. He is living his life and is moving on and iwll be okay. and so will i. and since i am an out of site out of mind person...by eliminating most ways i would even see or hear his name, i have been doing much better overall. once in a while i may stumble but thats why i have y'all. Its still a day to day process but I wanted to thank everyone here for being so awesome and supportive. By reading your stories and situations, I have learned that I am not alone and that I do have a means to help others. BY helping others I have learned more about myself. and am working to become a better person. you all rock!
heard4
heard4
That's exactly what a support group is for!! So glad It's working for ya..
You deserve all the credit for being strong!!
Hugs, heard
shoretimenow
shoretimenow
It so helps me too.....when all the myriad of thoughts associated with any part of the A overtake me I will sometimes hang here.
I/We have broken NC a few times....he thinks we can be 'friends'.....but really I do believe that is all he wants at least right now...and its sets me back too much.
restoremylove
restoremylove
I'm still in the fog but it's not the London fog anymore! I find writing in the journal here so helpful. I'm finishing day 10 of NC. My pain is the fact she found someone w/i 2 weeks she was already dating and making vacation plans w a new guy. She divorced in Feb and I was there for it all but hey guess she's now had good practice being it her third I guess she just knows how to find the person to help her through.

I was so attached but have come to realize whatever we had if pursued would have failed! Most marriages created out of affairs fail and I would have been number 4 and my 2. Throw in her preteen kid and I'm sure the bliss of her off weeks would go away quickly.

Congrats to you leaving the fog and with the help of everyone I will hope to emerge as well!
silversprings77
silversprings77
Restore - I know you will.

The thing with an affair is that its easy...its on your terms when you want to ESCAPE from daily life...but when your AP becomes your daily life...its not so rosy anymore. My x AP and I would NEVER have made it work in real life. Yes we could talk to each other and satisfy each other emotionally and sexually but we had VERy differing political/religious views and I spent much of my time listening (to him and his wife) talk about how others in his family were these horrible people and putting others down. Or how he wanted to angrily confront anyone who stepped in his path that he didnt like. More than once i had to pull him aside and calm him down when we were physically together in public. That worked once in a while but not on a daily basis. Especially when i saw how he treated his family. In hindsight, how could I be so stupid??
silversprings77
silversprings77
Shore - my xAP and i tried the whole "just trying to be friends" route. Hiw wife wanted us to go NC but we were wokring on a book together at that time. She agreed only cause I was able to kick his ass to work on it. But even our "friendly" contact was stilted and such and the moment we had true time alone, we would slip into the old routine. I wish the friends thing had worked because thats the part i miss about him the most. The encouragement and laughter, etc. I wish i could say just being friends works...but old habits die hard.
MaryTBJ
MaryTBJ
Silver -- how did you end up being friends with his wife? Was she a friend only through him or was she one of your friends to start with? Just wondering....
silversprings77
silversprings77
i met him through a mutual friend and we all ended up sharing a hotel room for a major race we were all running in (not the wife...she wasnt there). he and my hubby became friends, my xAP and i hit it off really well and were luaghing and joking the entire time. He was working on a book but was stuck on parts of it so after race weekend when we didnt think we would ever meet again (whole living across country kind of hting), he asked me to help with the book. As we worked on his memoirs, for a while it was like I was part of the family. I met his wife on skype and while i didnt always like her she and i got along well and she noticed how my influence was bringing a positive change to my AP. They both flew here and stayed at my house a couple of times and I flew out there and stayed with them once. But by the last meeting, i think the wife suspected that my AP and were more than friends and co-authors and she stopped speaking to me until she sent the D-Day text of "my husband admited to wanting an affair with you. i never want you around my family again, you backstabbing slut, etc" but nefore my visit to see them, things were fie. we spent a lot of time on skype, sometimes working something....other stuff...