Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
one week ago I got drunk and had sex with a woman whom I'd met previously. I am married and my wife is pregnant. I'm an alcoholic and had been drinking on and off for the past few weeks. I met this woman at the absolute wrong time and it was late and we went to her place. I know her first name, but don't know her last name and she doesn't know mine. We live in different cities and have spoken only twice, with the second time leading to this encounter. I have not told my wife and I am stricken with so much guilt I can barely eat or sleep. I've told no one and feel completely and utterly like a POS.
Do not tell your wife.
You need a get a grip on your drinking problem. You and your wife are bringing a new life into this world. That little person is 100 percent dependent on the two of you and needs both parents.
Block this OW from your life. Learn that you could implode your life with
just one bad decision.
Be the best husband and the best father you can be.
Talk to a therapist who can help you understand why you are engaging in such destructive behaviors.
The whole situation and timing of this is horrible in terms of the potential effect on the physical/mental health of the mother and baby.
If you decide not to tell her....then you better make sure you get counseling to work on your character and coping skills and dedicate the rest of your life without fail in your role as a husband and father. Make sure every single day you are trying to make it up to her even if she doesn't know it.
What do you tell your wife when you cant be intamate with her, or even kiss her, for the four weeks you need to get accurate std test results?
I don't have any advice on what to tell her as I advocate for honesty.
If you plan on never cheating again, DO NOT tell your wife. This will only cause stress to her and your baby. She will feel worthless and like she wasn't enough for you. Is she? ask yourself why you did it, and don't blame it on alcohol. This is coming from someone who has cheated herself. I had to be honest with myself and I had to own up to my truth. Trust me when I tell you that telling someone you cheated doesn't miraculously take the guilt you're feeling away.
Learn to forgive yourself, it will take time but you will get there. And yes, make sure you get tested!
or
Be honest with her and let her decide if the marriage with you is something she still wants. Which by the circumstances, she most likely will not leave and you will have to regain her trust. This will take a lot of time.