I haven't followed your story, but I think your wife was really remorseful, right? Since the cat's out the bag I think she's less likely to cheat again. The ones who tend to cheat again are those whose affairs were never discovered and those who were never remorseful. However, I'm sure there are people who didn't feel remorse about the affair but never cheated again, and there have been people who felt very remorseful and cheated again years later, maybe even weeks later (sadly).

There's just really no way you can know. And honestly, there is no way you can know for sure you'd never cheat. I'm sure every reason you give for why you would never cheat are reasons many of us had at one point. But you can be very optimistic about it never happening again if you all addressed why your wife betrayed her own morals and what both of you can do to prevent it from happening again in the future. If you can accept the affair as a weak moment in her life and not some part of her nature, then I think it'll be easier for you to see it never happening again. Those who think once a cheater always a cheater believes cheating is simply a part of one's nature.

Very good reply Weakminded.

Excellent response, WM! That says it all!

Ya that was a good response thank you.

My AP was a lost love from 1987. He was the only one I would have considered to cheat with. I am not remorseful bc at the time my M was a shambles & the AP gave me what I needed. My H was suspicious but never found out. My A is now just phone convos as friends. I have no desire to be with him ever again nor do I desire to ever have an A again. A's are just as damaging to CS's as BS's. I so wish I would have found another way to deal with my problems. Hope this helps Jason.

I think if your wife is getting help for the reasons of WHY she cheated, chances are, she wont again. I love my husband. Dearly. He is absolutely the love of my life. My best friend, when we have sex, it's fantastic, he's a happy father, a good provider...but I still cheat on him. Before we were married, we dated for 5 years. I knew, without a doubt then, he was the love of my life, but still, I felt like I needed more experiences before settling down. So I cheated on him then. He did know of a couple. I did tell him. When we got married, it was all over for me....For ten years. And then the feeling, that need to be outside of my life, to experience more, came back so strongly. And I find myself, once again, cheating on the man I love best. I have researched and researched and researched why I do what I do...it's not about the experiences, I realize. That's just what I tell myself. It's more than about validation... (I realize I need more than one man to prove that I'm worthy...) I was sexually abused as a child, and that is listed as one of the top reasons women find themselves in affairs actually. I never got help. I did tell, but it wasn't until recently that the abuser (a family member) came out and admitted it, and now people who should have been responsible are coming back to me with apologies. I think that sexual abuse in childhood set me up to make the decisions I have today. That the man I love with my entire heart takes second place to the feelings and worthlessness I've carried for years. I'm still in an affair, trying to sort myself out....I find myself staying in the affair because I can't hurt him...and because right now, this man is safer than going out to find multiple sex partners again. But I'm researching counselors, because I suspect that dealing with my childhood trauma, and the fall out of it and need of validation, which only comes when I'm treated as a sexual object, would probably go a long way to giving me tools so that I won't destroy my life and the life of those around me any longer. So yes, I am the once a cheater, always a cheater...but I think, just possibly, facing honestly why I do and getting help, might turn myself around.

I have to agree with with Weakminded had to say. Very well put!

Jason

I've been on both sides of this coin.

My h has been unfaithful to me 3 times over our 28 year relationship-23 of it married. So, maybe in his instance once a cheater always a cheater applies.

Regarding my affair-one and done sums it up. I have no desire ever to go down that path again. I still mourn the loss of my AP. It's been over for almost 5 years. It dam near killed me. Oh, but what lessons I've learned. My biggest lesson learned was-any one is capable of having an affair. So don't kid yourselves. Never say never. My h never found out about my affair-and hopefully never will-I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on any one-even him.

CS here. Three months after DDay of EA. In IC and startin MC next week. I miss my AP desperately. But I do see the prospect of another A as very possible. I wouldn't have thought so before but I do now.