My problem has turned out to be very unique and suffocating. I am 21 years old and I have been going to this gym since I was 14. As a stupid teenager I developed a crush over this gym trainer(married with children) but beyond day dreaming and butterflies never really expected it to develop into anything significant. But after three years he started training me. I was still pretty smitten but I didn't reflect it at all. I am very reserved and we had bery little casual interaction. But over the years the interaction began to grow in a completely non platonic way. We used to talk about random stuff and nothing objectionable. He never shied away from mentioning he is married either. But then I kind of started getting these flirtatious messages from him which I just dismissed as being my imagination. But over the past three years I suppose our interaction great beyond seeing each other at the gym everyday. We went out on a few coffee dates and stuff but I always convinced myself that we are just good friends. But after that I started getting very strong signs showing his interest in me- he flirted, complimented, we texted late at night when his wife was out of town and I was so smitten that I just played along without realizing how deeply involved I am. Then he started initiate physical contact which I tried to resist initially but after a few months I gave in. We still haven't had intercourse ( although it's a prospect he is hoping to achieve soon) but we have done pretty much everything else. Throughout the process I had convinced that he was my first serious crush and i am too addicted to him to quit. We never have had a serious conversation about what we are but I know he is a family loving man and doesn't plan on leaving his wife but simultaneously he also cares about me and gives me immense satisfaction. Lately I have been consumed by the idea that this relationship would not allow me to build my career now that it's time to figure out my life. But the thought of moving on from him paralyses me. I can't share this with my family which is immensely loving and caring. All this in the midst of my exams. I want a solution where I can gradually move on from him because right now the thought of not having him in my life is too difficult to fathom. So difficult that I am satisfied with whatever love he can offer throughout my life. Please help me find a middle ground while considering my present state of mind. I don't think I will be able to.cope with it without professional help which I can't get without my parents knowing. Will this relationship just fade away with time? I want to find relief by going back to a time where we just chatted about random stuff.