Cheaters Anonymous Community Group

This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.

943 Members
4,471 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Cheaters Anonymous Support Group

Need encouragement

cheating4support1993
cheating4support1993

So yes, I am a CS. I am on my way to the straight and narrow and doing a lot of self discovery on why I behaved the way I did. Don't get me wrong, I am not making excuses and have fully owned up to what I did and the effect it had on the one I loved the most. Even he, now my ex husband whom I still dated and hung out with up to a few months ago, has noticed changes in me. The hardest part is emotionally for myself. How long will I feel the intense guilt? I'm looking for advice or resources from other CS that got them on the right path. I know some BS will say I deserve to feel guilt forever but I am seeking to find peace with it. There is nothing that can be done about the past but I am taking the necessary steps to be a better me in the future. I also feel paranoid that I will never find someone to love me as some kind of karma, and let's not forget when sometimes it feels like I'll never be able to trust because of what I did. I don't want to carry this forever as a weight of guilt, more like motivation to be better. Any advice from reformed cheaters is welcome.

Jfair
Jfair
Sounds like you are already taking the right steps. Seeing a counselor/therapist is a good idea also. I imagine the guilt/regret will always be there to some degree. That's how it is when you hurt someone. The fears you describe about the future are just that, fears. How we approach future relationships is largely about choice. It will be difficult, but trust is a choice just as cheating was a choice. Your past does not have to define your future.
forwardmotion
forwardmotion
Feeling guilty in itself isn't a bad or a good thing but rather an understanding that you have done wrong.

What matters is what you do with that understanding. Some people will wallow in it and let self pity take hold. This usually ends up ends up in a cycle of shame and further poor decisions.

However, if you use your guilt as a wake up call and motivation to become a better person it can serve as a constant reminder of who you no longer want to be and fuel your efforts into becoming the type of person who would never cheat or betray anyone in the future.

Karma doesn't exist but consequences do. Part of the journey is to accept the consequences for your actions but proactively guard against making those some decisions by growing.

Cheating may have ruined your current marriage but it can motivate you to make sure you never do that again in future relationships.