my h and I are in recovery - it's been 18 months. He's worked hard and is open to do whatever it takes to rebuild our relationship. We're both in counselling and mc. The pain has faded but is still in the shadows. Now that all the flurry of emotion has settled and I know what it looks like on the other side of recovery- I wonder  what it must be like to feel alive and truly happy. I just don't feel complete anymore. I feel like cheating is on the menu now that he placed it there.  Now it's  an option - not for him for me. While  I am not actively seeking an affair, I don't think I'll stop one from happening if the opportunity arises. I know it's indulgent, but it's how I feel.