Hi everyone. I wanted to share my story in hopes of getting some support when it comes to the things I did and how to heal from this as well as help my partner. My partner and I have been together for 3 years now, not married, no kids. We are still quite young. I cheated on him at a really low point in my life as well as the relationship. I was looking for a website to talk to people because I was bored, but stumbled on a site which turns out to be a chatting website for people who are wanting to sext basically. I didn't know that when I clicked into it, but when someone asked if I wanted to see a nude of them, I said yes. Once I saw it, I left the site. I went back on there 2 more times to see if anyone else would send stuff as well. I never intented to use the pictures for anything but I still saw them. I believe part of the reason why it happened also had something to do with my porn addiction which lead me to act before thinking.

I told my partner about it just a few days ago and he was devistated. We are going through a big fall right now due to my cheating as well as things that he has done to break my trust (but never as bad as my cheating). I feel so much guilt and so much anxiety as I am afraid we will break up and fall apart. He says that he feels like he gave me his world and all I gave him was pain. He feels like he cannot see me as the person he loved. He said that I was his everything and now he barely feelings anything. The pandemic really affected us as individuals but also as a couple since we don't live together and rarely get to see each other in person. I feel so horrible for causing him so much pain, it is making me lose sleep, stop eating, and want to puke all the time. I never thought that I would cheat on someone, but from being so isolated from reality, I truly messed up big time.

For those who are working things through with their partners, what have you done that has helped the relationship? How can I help my partner? How can we heal from this? Is there anyone that is free for me to talk to help via private message? I really need support on my end as I have not been feeling good at all and my mental health is falling, but I want to be strong for my partner.