From my perspective BS- I don't know that there is a lot that you can do to make up for all that has happened but I think I am starting to understand how the CS feels after coming out of the fog (sorta speak) and owning up to the consequences that have happened.
I think writing a letter to your x-wife telling her how you feel and acknowledging what your faults were and the damage that has been caused is a big step. I know you probably seek forgiveness. Your x may be able to forgive you and may not be able to. That is up to her, all you can do now is write a letter or email or call and ask for forgiveness and let her know that you are truly sorry for what happened in the marriage.
After that you have to forgive yourself and know that we all make mistakes and can overcome with support and help. Hopefully doing better in the next relationship. God can forgive us all for our mistakes I know I have made plenty myself, one being that I still have not truly forgave my wife for her affair, I really want to but it is not that easy for me and I am still in pain and thinking about how much she hurt me most days but I am trying to get to that point and she is trying to understand as well.
We are all hurting hear and I with you the best with your amends.

Hope that helped.

Yes, that helps. I've started that letter several times.
It's still not written.
My first try was to help her somehow understand.
Another BS helped me see that's may the LAST thing she wants to hear from me.

I've tried to assess the losses she has suffered.
There are many.

One is that I'm (apparently) not around to help drive her 80 year old mother here from her hometown. So my ex-wife has to do that driving. Once I understood that perspective, I called my ex-mother-in-law and asked her if I could drive her here anytime she wants to come. My my ex-mother-in-law seemed receptive to the idea. We will just have to wait and see if I ever get the request.

I'd like to identify similar things I could do to make amends.. mending the broken fences...the things that are broken.

Gi - Hey, I am also a BS, but I want to say that I commend you on all the inner work you have done on yourself. It's not easy, sometimes, owning our stuff....even with my ex cheating, I still had stuff I had to own because I wasn't sitting there, being super perfect, while he cheated. I didn't cheat, but I believe there is so much that has to be nurtured in a relationship, and if it's not, the potential for damage is great.

You are really getting yourself together. This insight and learning experience will serve you well in the future. My divorce wasn't easy at the time, but the GROWTH I gained was huge. Huge.

Unfortunately, like you already said, I don't think your BS will be very receptive. A year after your divorce, making amends? She may really appreciate it, or roll her eyes and say, 'Whatever.
My ex CS apologized to me seven months after our divorce, which was on top of a year being separated. I know he meant well, and he probably meant what he said, but at that point, it fell on deaf ears because I was already indifferent. Was it a nice gesture? Absolutely. But it wasn't something I "needed" any more.

I'm not AT ALL trashing your thoughts on apologizing. At the end of the day, I think doing right is always a good thing, and if the right thing to do is to apologize, then do it. I just be prepared that she may not be receptive.

Many hugs and much strength sent your way...

Yes, I understand. There may be no hope of reconciliation.

If I knew 24 months ago what I know now, I woulda handled it quite differently. (Coulda, woulda, shoulda.)
But 24 months ago, "it was all about me" and I just could not see how what I had done was so bad!!!

It if wasn't so totally misguided, I would want to laugh at that attitude.

But, you're right.
I knocked down this person's fences and trampled their garden.

I need to set that right in whatever ways I can while avoiding more harm in the process.

I'm looking for way to do that...

Making Amends doesn't guarentee a fix. If all amends resulted in forgiveness and a fix for the hurt person, then there would be a lot of disappointed recovering addicts since making amends is a huge part of their healing process.

It's about letting the other person know you are sorry for your past actions and intend to be a better person. If picking up her mother is something you do as a duty and not genuine, then you may resent that. I'm just saying there doesn't need to be a huge grand gesture. If you feel toy can be a reliable friend to her and that she can call on you like a friend, then offer that. Be prepared that she may have found her own peace and may not want what your offering beyond a sincere apology and ownership of your mistakes.

I wish life was as simple as it was when I was a child, where the biggest decision was what team do i want to be on for man hunt tag.

Good points.

I don't look at driving my ex-mother-in-law as a potential duty.
I look at it as something I can do that would help my busy ex-wife, plus, I enjoy my ex-mother-in-law.
It might help make both their lives a little happier if they get to see each other a time they might not otherwise.
It's something I "should" be doing now if I hadn't totally screwed (sic) things up; iow, such would have been the plan as recently as 25 months ago.

But you are right; it's possible to commit to things for which I already have a resentment as soon as the commitment is made. I don't want to do that.

For example, the thought occurred to reimburse her for the legal fees she had to pay to get a divorce. I ruled that out; I couldn't do that without feeling sorry for myself.
And that's not something even a friend would do.

There may be other things I can do though.
They may fall in the category of "things a friend would do" or "that a husband would do if she had a husband." (Of course, if she gets another husband, then he can do those things.)

Like fix the sink.
I don't think she'd ask me to do that right now.

But, that's what I am looking for, ways to make amends.

Have you thought about channeling this positive energy into volunteering or anything like that? I know it wouldn't "fix" (I can't think of a better word) this situation, but it seems like you are lending yourself to a lot of insight and growth.

I admire your strength and courage.

I have done a little volunteering... I could probably do more...

There's not much strength and courage here.
I did a lot of damage.
I'd like to set it right as much as possible.