Cheaters Anonymous Community Group

This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.

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Relationships & Sexuality
/ Cheaters Anonymous Support Group

Looking for support, my life is a mess!

janricks22
janricks22

Hi! Well let me start from the beginning. I have been with my husband for 20 years, married 16. Two kids. Past couple years I have fallen out of love with him.


Enter coworker 8 months ago. He started filling the void, emotionally and sexually. In may, actually mother’s day, I got caught, which didn’t stop me. Was caught 2 more times after. My husband thinks it’s finally over with me and coworker. It is not. My husband desperately wants to make it work but I’m only here for my kids sake and financially. I am absolutely crazy about my coworker, I feel I’m in love but my therapist has me following sex and love Addicts anonymous. I never thought this would be my life.


My coworker has a long time girlfriend with 2 kids and has no intention of leaving her. I’m the other woman, the side piece but continue this. 


I am risking everything. My family, my job(we have sex at work) I know this is wrong but constantly justify it by saying I love him and he makes me happy. I don’t know exactly what I am asking. Just looking for support as I feel like my world is spiraling 


forwardmotion
forwardmotion
What you get out of this forum really does depend on the real reason you are coming here. Maybe you need to figure that out first.

If you are looking for justification, then you know what you are doing is going to destroy your husband and children as well as yourself but want someone to tell you things will work out.

If you are looking for a wake up call then all you need to do is read the posts of cheaters/betrayed on the infidelity/cheaters forums to see that your selfishness will cause the same type of destroy to the lives of everyone around you and likely already has.

Truly though, it should be your husband giving you the wake up call and tell you to leave if you don't repent and be accountable for your decisions. At this point he should be making the decision to leave you but hasn't mustered up the strength yet.
betrayedtodeath
betrayedtodeath
It would be tremendously beneficial to your husband if he knew "My husband desperately wants to make it work but I’m only here for my kids sake and financially. I am absolutely crazy about my coworker". Is he aware you're not in the marriage for him at all and are continuing to cheat on him?
janricks22
janricks22
Right now my husband thinks I am working on myself and am living one day at a time as we coexist. He keeps giving ultimatums but never follows thru. I am still cheating. I really want to break it off but it’s too hard. If I didn’t see him everyday at work it would be easier. I’m constantly trying to find a new job to get away from him but actually got one recently and he guilted me to stay. I think it’s gonna take me getting caught again to stop.
gravinggirl
gravinggirl
For what it's worth, you will have no chance of falling in love with your husband again if you maintain contact with your AP. It's just how our brains work. You're in the fog of addiction. I once felt this way about my AP. Two years later, I am so glad he isn't in my life. Leaving my family would have been a horrific mistake.

From everything you said, things will never work with this coworker. That guy is getting the best of both worlds.

My advice is: don't continue to do this to yourself and your family. Get a new job. Prioritize taking care of yourself and get your head clear to deal with your family and marriage.