Is there a way you could ease your W into the idea? Maybe try some dirty talk next time you are intimate, try warming and cooling lubricants, start SLOW. I speak from experience when I say that the first time I was introduced to kinky sex I was disgusted and horrified... now my husband and I just bought leather restraints for the bed. be PATIENT, be LOVING, and try to take the pressure off. Present it as something you think would be fun to TRY rather than something you NEED. Keep a dialogue going with your W, give her time to process the idea.

I need some clarification.

You said "at first sex was great....".
So at first it was "kinky"?
Or did you not need kinky sex to feel great about it at first?

No..at first..it wasn't kinky..was just wondering..thankyou for the great comments so far!

It sounds like you have your excuse to cheat wrapped up into a nice, little package with a big bow. The "sex" you speak of (Doms and diaper stuff) is not average, kinky sex. That is very specific, and people are either into it or not.

Also, when you got married 6 years ago, that would've been something you should have run past her at the time and got her thoughts about.

It sounds to me you are looking to jusitfy sleeping with other women just because your wife doesn't want to put you in a diaper. I wouldn't want to put a grown man in a diaper, either.

TTMI --

This is a cheaters group that exists for purposes of support. Your comments are needlessly judgmental and condemning and are out of place here.

Weather --

If you only recently discovered that you are into these kinks, and your wife wants no part, you may just have to cut your losses and move on. It's not fair to her for you to stay and be unfaithful. You need to let her go and find someone who shares your sexual interests. You will be happier and guilt-free.

Have you thought about asking your wife about her fantasies and what she would like? That is probably a better conversation starter....then you can tell her that you enjoy being submissive and hint to her that you would love to be tied up. You may find that you don't need the extreme domination stuff that you speak of so stop going outside your marriage. I was an OW and occassionally he would like to be dominated and that was not my normal comfort zone but seeing him enjoy it made me enjoy it.

I have stopped stepping outside my marriage. Hoping I can resolve these things. If not..thats ok..I accept it. My wife has had some "problems" but I have forgiven her & im here to get help for my behaviors to try & be a better person. Thankyou spiky for the nice comment. I don't want to judge anybody.im not perfect..who am I to judge? I just want to help people.

Weather --

It's been my experience that sexual incompatibility can ruin a marriage. The unsatisfied partner either seeks gratification elsewhere or they go without it and are totally miserable and resent their partner.

That said, I *definitely do not* mean to discourage you from trying to make your relationship work. I hope you and your wife can reach an acceptable arrangement. It is a little worrisome to me that you used phrases like "resolve these things" and "get help for my behaviors". Did you mean the compulsive straying, or the fetishes? I don't think it's possible to "cure" a fetish. But if you think you can be happy without acting on them, more power to you.

BTW, when I said "judgmental" in my last post, I was referring to the poster who was accusing you of making excuses to cheat and labeling your kinks in terms of her own preferences.

I do think loveisnotenough gave a very helpful suggestion when they mentioned "asking your wife about her fantasies and what she would like" and pointed out "occassionally he would like to be dominated and that was not my normal comfort zone but seeing him enjoy it made me enjoy it" Maybe your wife might be willing to involve herself on some level in the games that turn you on.

I hope you find something that works.

I agree. Ask your wife about her desires and wants. Maybe you can work up to yours. I am a very sexual person and I enjoy trying new things. Maybe she will also if she feels safe. Good luck to you both.

I agree! Try making it about her, and spicing things up to please her more :)

And though I agree that your preferences are on the extreme side, there is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. If that's what you are into than more power to you, but you cannot just expect your wife to hop on board, like I said, you've really got to ease her in. Oh and everytime she does something even slightly dominant, tell her how hot it is!!! Encouragement will get you everywhere!

Thankyou for the comments! I will keep trying. I will eait for the right time to explain things to her. I guess her confidence in herself wearing something erotic is not very high. I can relate! I've dropped some weight & feel better about myself also

Exactly what love is not enough said.

I think im gonna just buy her some sexy stuff & help her get dressed up..

I would recommend letting HER pick something out to wear that makes her feel sexy.....if you want her to take control you need to give her control. Otherwise it's like you're forcing it on her. Help it be her idea.....get her a gift card for a sexy lingerie store and you can tell her the things that you like but let her pick out what makes her comfortable. After she gets used to the idea maybe she will get more and more daring.....baby steps.