Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
A light bulb has just went off in my head, you know it's weird that I can remember mine and my husbands first kiss, first hug, first I love you, but I can't remember that with any other guy. This has hit me like a ton of bricks. If we weren't meant to be and he wasn't the right one for me I wouldn't have remembered all our firsts so clearly! Oh my gosh what a revelation!! Remembering when we first met has really helped a lot! I guess we need to reignite that passion we once had again, maybe we just haven't been working hard enough and that's why I feel I have to get it elsewhere. I hope this is the start of the healing process! Feeling hopeful. It is still hard driving by om's house I do anything I can to avoid that route!
"Most long term relationships involve responsibility by design… indeed women find it much harder to give themselves he permission for pleasure, sometimes any pleasure such as sitting down when drinking their coffee. When they are organized around attending to the needs of others they can easily forego their own. The first need to go for some of these woman is their erotic needs.
For women, they loose themselves because they can’t sustain desire when the nurturing starts. We choose love over desire because that’s what we feel we should do. Men and women trade off the adventure for the predictability. They trade their erotic needs for security needs.
In a long term, committed relationship, how do love and desire coexist?
We like the unexpected at first – allow the unexpected to be part of the relationship. Break the routine – what you talk about, activities, how you react to each other. Bring vitality back – shake things up! Fire needs air, couples need to fan the flame. The excitement is rooted to uncertainty—keep mystery and adventure alive by alternative between what makes us feel safe and secure and by allowing the unpredictable and the unexpected to jolt us out of the flattening habits."