Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
Definition: honest, probity, rectitude, honor, ethics, morals, righteousness, sincerity, truthfulness. Here I am 5 + years again trying the NC with OM. All along I have been requesting to break off because I knew this is no who I am, or wanted to be. OM never respected my wishes. He kept pleading, showing up at my job. So I would be pleased, not realizing that I was being manipulated again. So after a while feeling used and not worthy because I wasn't his one and only. Granted I'm married too, all along pleasing everyone. I only lost ME even more. My OM wanted me to leave my marriage then he would leave his. But in reality, did I want a H who I couldn't trust? Someone like me? So I broke it off again with OM a day after we celebrated my birthday. He was a sweetheart the last day we spent together. I can't recall him treating me so nice. But nothing was never enough. So his last text to me was for me to use this time to get help, because I'm bipolar. I replied that yes I'm crazy but more so stupid because I wasted alot of time on someone who was perfectly fine with our situation. I blame no one but ME. I pray when he shows up in person to my job that I will have the strength to just say NO. I want my integrity back!
My heart goes out to you. I am struggling with breaking off with the OM and have not been able to do it. We have been going around and around for 6 years. You are doing the right thing for YOU, don't let him give you advice about anything you are struggling with (bipolar diagnosis). He is hardly the righteous person in this scenario.
Clearly, I may not be the best person to hand out advice but I am in your shoes right now and can empathize a great deal on your desire to stay strong, take care of yourself and move away from a toxic situation. Don't beat yourself up over decisions you've already made. You can't take them back. Focus on marching forward. I am trying to do the same.
You are getting your integrity back.
I've been on that road. I tried to end my A multiple, multiple times and you ARE staying strong!
GirlCrush is right- Don't beat yourself up over decisions you've already made. You are doing the right thing for you.
When A's end or there is a threat to end them, emotions run high. He is probably just as attached to you or the idea of losing you.
Its hard, so so hard....but in reality, if you don't answer his calls eventually he will go away. You told him you wanted / needed to end the A. That's really all you have to say. Have your machine answer maybe? And has hard as it is, if you say Happy Birthday....its going to give him hope. One thing I learned on here, where there is communication, there is hope and even negative communication is communication.
There were so many times I tried to end my A that I thought, "I'm already tainted as it is....". Sometimes we are our own worst enemy or I know I can be.
Some of us don't see at way out at times and it can be hard to find strength from within.
I was just listening to a wonderful song someone sent me by Steven Curtis Chapman that I will put in my journal: The lyrics go something like this:
Lay your head down tonight
Take a rest from the fight
Don’t try to figure it out
Just listen to what I’m whispering to your heart
‘Cause I know this is not
Anything like you thought
The story of your life was gonna be
And it feels like the end has started closing in on you
But it’s just not true
There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfold
And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over.
Its just a nice song of hope.
Stay on topic with the OP please.
Set yourself free from this guy. You deserve better.
It was not until contact was completely broken that the healing began, and even at that it took around a year and a half for me to really get back to normal. I feel your pain, but it sounds like you know what has to happen. I wish you peace.