Many on Amazon and Ebay. like "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful" . i read this and very gooder on ways and things say so lover think you will no do again.

Linda McDonald is the author of the above noted book and very popular among couples where there was an affair.

Well bunny I guess you can use it to manipulate your spouse. However you can use it to see how cheating affects the BS.
Narcissists won’t care either way. As you can see from bunnies comment. But it does give a glimpse of how it affects the BS.

There is many articles on the marriage builders website also .. book surviving an affair -Willard Harvey. This will be you best bet. You can even write in and ask for advice. There is an app: marriage builders radio.. you can email them with any questions and they will send you their book recommendations for free

'Not Just Friends' by Shirley Glass is fantastic. 'The Truth' by Neil Strauss is really insightful as well.

Esther Pearl and Dan Savage are good to read too, but they focus on the 'human nature' component and could potentially toe the line of justifying cheating behavior.

Thanks! I've read some Esther Perel and agree with you. Will look up your other suggestions.

They do toe the line that it’s “just human nature” not to be faithful. Figure out what your objective is. You want justification why your cheating is okay. Or do you want to know how not to repeat the same mistake again.
Savage’s position on monogamy... he doesn’t believe in “cheating”. But he believes that men were never expected to be monogamous. He lives a “monogamish” lifestyle. He and his husband have an agreement. No lying or cheating.

I must be looking for something that doesn't exist. All of the material focuses on explaining/understanding cheating and/or rebuilding trust.

My husband and l are not struggling with the trust component (l know this is not typical). I'm struggling with being emotionally present in the marriage after the experience of the affair. It's not that l don't love my husband, it's just so difficult to feel excited about our marriage. Please don't tell me to just leave, as I'm staying and fighting and we have children. It feels like I'm in for a lifetime of feeling like something is missing and I'm looking for help/resources dealing with that.

Have you looked into marriage builders? Are you both meeting eachothers emotional needs?