Cheaters Anonymous Community Group

This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.

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NotiNabor 12/04/2013

I was finally starting to feel like I was coming out of the fog. It's been just over 3 weeks of NC. Yesterday was a good day. I started caring about work again, and how I was doing in my career. And the kids were keeping my mind distracted. I was starting to feel "normal" and it felt kind of good. The idea of letting go didn't sound completely unbearable.

Then I talked to a mutual friend this morning and AP was brought up because they attended a singing event she was at on Monday night. We were supposed to go too but didn't have a sitter and had to cancel. I'm quite sure they wouldn't have gone if we were there, which made me very sad. Such a small metion of him and it sucked me back in. Now I feel crappy and depressed again. I don't care about anything without him. Why am I like that when yesterday was so good? How can mere mention of him suck me into such a bad place?

Does anyone else ever experience any feelings like this?

deleted_user 12/04/2013

Hey NotiNabor , first congrats on the three weeks of NC.

What you are experiencing with kind of like a withdrawal from drugs.

The first month will be really really hard with many ups and downs.

To answer your question ; what you are feeling is NORMAL.

I was TWO MONTHS into NC and a customer at work was wearing my the same cologne as my AP.

That cologne triggered me for around EIGHT HOURS.....................and this was at TWO MONTHS of NC.

Please hang in there.

ONE DAY AT A TIME.

deleted_user 12/04/2013

Hey NotiNabor, I highly recommend having a rubber band around your risk and snapping it when the feelings the start thinking about your AP.

This is Gabrielle's idea.

A lot of times snapping the rubber band has stopped from thinking about my AP.

I used to fantasize about breaking NC for hours and hours.

A lot of times the rubber band has stopped my fantasizing before it starts.

CloverMoon 12/04/2013

You're still in the early stages of withdrawal and will experience many triggers along the way. It's been almost 10 months since the end of my A & the other day a song came on the radio by Air Supply.….Here I am, playing with those memories again. And just when I thought time had set me free, those thoughts of you keep taunting me.
Allow yourself to be sad for a day. Eventually, (and I read this somewhere) you will wake up feeling indifferent toward the AP....just like that. I'm still waiting for that day but am hopeful it will be soon. Hang in there. You'll be ok.

deleted_user 12/04/2013

OMG Clover! Air Supply was me and OM group too. Our song was Lost in Love. When I confessed to my husband, I had to throw away the CD but I still hear it on Pandora and you are right. It brings back those memories. It has been almost 5 mos NC.

CloverMoon 12/04/2013

Our song was I Need You Now by Lady Antebellum but Air Supply is more from "my time". Now I'm telling my age (55+) May I say you are extremely brave to confess to your H. If I were younger or prepared to be alone, I would do the same. I know he has a right to know and I did confess during the A but it was after a night of drinking. After I told him, he ran out of the room not wanting to hear it which is why I feel he still wouldn't want to hear it.

pinkpony66 12/04/2013

Like a drug addict you can't just put this "fog" in a neat little box and place on a shelf. You need to have tools and practices in place when you are triggered into that foggy feeling. Just as a bs has to deal with triggers and not let them consume them, so does a cs m

The only problem here is that with the cs,mthe bs isn't the right person to use as your gomtomfor fog triggers. Maybe you can come up,with a specific response to the fog trigger.

Example: immediately text something to,your spouse that you love about him. If that's not possible, keep a journal of what you want from your future without ap. either from yourself as an individual,or from your marriage.

Some people swear by the rubberband trick. Keep a rubberband on your wrist and snap,it when your triggered. Personally that wasn't for me.

As a bs I learned to call my H and tell him how I was feeling but not in an accusatory way. Just let him know. Before I learned to tell him my triggers I let them bubble beneath the surface until a fight and then they would control my emotions. My H was very receptive to me when I came to him openly and sad rather than waiting until I got angry.

Maybe come here and post something like you did this time. Figure out what helps best and then make that your practice. Don't assume your all better so soon. Healing and rediscovering yourself takes time and practice.

deleted_user 12/05/2013

Hey NotiNabor, I bumped a thread called" Please share how withdrawals from NC get better with time for you"

Still here is the link.

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/cheatersanonymous/discussions/messages/17353385

deleted_user 12/10/2013

Hey NotiNabor, I saw that you shared in another thread that you have thirty days of NC today.

I would like to congratulate you in this thread.

I will shoot some fireworks just for the occasion.

*´¯`*.¸¸.*´¯`**´¯`*.¸¸.*´¯`**´¯`*.¸¸.*´¯`**´¯`*.¸¸.*´¯`**´¯`*.¸¸.*´¯`*

NotiNabor 12/10/2013

Thanks Stay Away. Somehow one month doesn't seem like cause to celebrate, but I definitely have had a much smoother time of things with each passing day, so it really is a good thing after all. Appreciate the thought that's really sweet of you :)

deleted_user 12/10/2013

No problem NotiNabor.

I'm walking with you in the path of NC.

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