My wife found about my online affair 3 months ago and I have been going thru therapy ever since and watched hours of videos on affair recovery and read books on how to fix my relationship. My wife is getting out of the grieving stage and lashes out at me about twice a week and during the process says provocative things where i try to hold myself but unfortunately lashed out at her last week making the conversation worse and we even ended up talking about separating. She is trying her best to talk to me still and I am trying hard to woo her back but the unusual circumstances referenced above makes me feel ashamed of myself and also thoughts of "why am I still living" have occured to me because of what I did to my wife and family. This week when we had such an awkward moment I texted her saying I am going out for a drive left the phone at home as I need to get a handle on myself and left home cried my heart out in the car and yelled to my hearts content and returned home. I am sure others may have ran into this issue how did everyone else handle the issue?