Cheaters Anonymous Community Group

This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.

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onmymind2000 02/06/2015

I am now realizing after 13 years and being cheated on three times that I suck. Had I given her space, pursued my dreams and goals...had I let us be an US and also separate selves, maybe I wouldn't be such a loser. Had I been the best for her that I should've been, maybe I wouldn't be in this situation.

I wish I could have been better and more worthy of her love.

bepeters04 02/07/2015

That's not fair. You did not make her cheat. While I agree that the problems before an A can be both the couples problem, it is not on you that she took that next step. I say this as a CS. Are you two separated now?

stuckfast 02/07/2015

Your self deprecation is not warranted. It isn't your fault.

RomaWasLove 02/08/2015

YOU DO NOT SUCK.

It is the situation that does. You may be broken, but you are in good company here. You are worthy of love my friend. Don't judge yourself this harshly. Be kind to yourself. What is going on now?

onmymind2000 02/08/2015

Thank you for all your answers. I just found Dailystrength, and I posted in any Board that seemed to somehow fit my issues.

Well, what's happening now (I posted a longer version in Healthy Relationships) I got emailed by a guy today who says he is my (now ex) GF's fiancee. They got engaged six months ago, and she was sending him her stuff over the last 6 months, before leaving to go to a friend's house, and then hopping a plane to SC. She confirmed his email was legit. The guy was nice. Hell, I am not even mad at him. He says he knew about me, but he didn't KNOW me.

I am not even mad at her. I think I am in shock. I wasn't making her happy, so she probably wouldn't have cheated, or gotten engaged, behind my back if I had been a bit better, you know? This is her fourth time cheating.

What is starting to show up as hurting me the most is that I had talked about marriage for a long time, and she always had reasons not to.

Logically, I know it's for the best. But, I just don't know how to be OK. I think that's where my self-deprecation comes in....I KNOW I wasn't strong enough. I thought I was, but I wasn't.

I don't know. Thanks again, everyone. This place has been amazing.

metta80 02/12/2015

Trust me, cheating has more to do with the cheater than with you. You do not suck. There is nothing wrong with you. You do not deserve to beat yourself up so much. Are you drawn to women that treat you a certain way because of how you received (or didn't receive) love in your childhood (from a caregiver, for example)?

You deserve to be happy. You are worthy of happiness.

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