I have been with my husband for 11 years and we have been married for 3. I have been cheating on him for 2. I should have never married him in the first place but he's such a great guy and he adores me. But he has never really been able to maintain an errection. Although I LOVE sex, since we get along so well I just kind of deal with the fact that we don't have sex. He told me that this has never happened to him in the past, and that he had no idea why it wouldn't work. I pushed for him to go to the doctor and get pills, but since pills aren't covered by insurance he can't afford them every month. The pills actually work but even with the pills he only lasts 3 minutes tops. He gets really upset at himself and embarrased everytime we try and it doesn't work. I try to be supr suprortive even tho it really upsets me everytime. I feel way worse for him. He's never really tried to get down to the bottom of his problem, and 2 years ago I told him he had 2 years to figure it out. That's a lot of time. He still hasn't figured it out. Something has always told me there was something else going on with him. Why would he not be interested in getting to the bottom of trying to please his wife? But he was always accusing me of cheating way before I actually started doing so which would really piss me off because he wasn't trying to please me either way.

I started cheating on him with a really good friend of mine. My husband has always thought me and this guy  had  a special connection even before I was attracted to him. One day we just had sex. It was so unexpected that we both still had our clothes on. Since then i have been hooked on him so hard. I love him. And recently he's cut me off. I have no idea what to do with myself. We have been spending time together the majority of the week for the past 2 years. And we were friends first so we would talk all the time anyway. For the past 2 months we have only seen each other a couple of times. Of course he's mad because I won't leave my unhappy situation. Now I realize being with the other guy was actually keeping my marriage together. I would go home satisfied able to put on a good front for my husband.

Since I havn't been dealig with the other guy my attitude has been noticablly sucky. I am so unhappy. The other day my husband could just feel how unhappy I was. He has never seen me like this before because I have never been so miserable. I told him I don't have the connection I want with someone I call husband. In the past 11 years we have problably had sex 30 times. And on top of him not having a working dick, he is broke as hell. He has never even taken me on vacation. I am super easy to please, but when I'm not having sex and you can't provide for me that's a lot to deal with. He felt that I was really done and he cried like he has in the past but this time I didn't care about his tears or tell him I would be there for him. 

When he got home from work that night he told me that he had been sexually abused as a child and that he thinks he suffers from sexual anxiety instead of errectile dysfunction. I feel sooooooooo bad for him. What a horrible thing to go through at he hands of a (male) family member. But now I am angry that he's kept this kind of a secret from me for 11 years. I feel like he only told me because he know I'm ready tonfinally leave. This is so unfairl. I know that everyone deals with trauma differently, but this is drfineatelly something I needed to know a long time ago  about a man I'm spending my life with.  This has affected my sex life for 11 years. I feel so bad for wanting to leave him now but there's consequences to not sharing information that important. In this case, I dont' want to be with him anymore. I'm not even sexually attrcted to him anymore. What the fuck am I supposed to do  now?? Wait on years of therapy and then just hope for a normal sex life?? I can't believe I'm in this situation. And I'm 39 with no kids from the man I've spent all of my childbearing years with. Had he told me this 5 years ago even I would have been totally fine with going through this with him. But he's wasted my time and I feel betrayed. what should I do?!?! I'm leaning towards leaving.