Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
First of all let me tell you my relationship with my husband has been going down hill for the past three years. We have been married for nine years. My husband can be abusive both physically and mentally. My husband has punched me and yells and swears at me on a daily basis. Every time I am sick my husband views it as a weakness and verbally abuses me. The day of my grandmothers funeral i was crying and upset and just asked my husband for a drink of water but he decided to punch me instead.
I am having an affair and I do not feel guilty. although the person that I am having an affair with does not know that i am still married. I have only been with him a few times but he treats me with nothing but love and respect and would never hit me or yell at me. The thing that worries me about the person that I am having an affair with is that during sex he likes it when i submit to him. I come from an abusive relationship and this makes me nervous sometimes but I know he would never hurt me. The other thing is that I was with him last night and he asked me to marry him. I did not know what to say and could not give an answer. I did not want to tell him that I was already married and even if I wasnt I dont think I want to be married again.
I know I am not doing the right thing and I know that I will probably get some negative feedback because of it. One of the thing that people will wonder is why dont I just leave an abusive relationship and get a divorce. It is not that easy. Believe it or not I still have some feelings for my husband and probably always will not only that but I am afraid of loosing everything I have worked so hard for.
Things are just so difficult right now. The first man to show me love and affection that I have not experienced in a long time is the one I want to be with but I am afraid to leave my husband. I am afraid to think of what my family will think of me if I do leave him for the other man. I am afraid to think of what my husband will do when he finds out. I am afraid that my lover will leave me if he finds out I am married. I just dont know what to do. I feel as if I am trying to fill a void with my lover that I never had in my marriage.
I am having an affair and I do not feel guilty. although the person that I am having an affair with does not know that i am still married. I have only been with him a few times but he treats me with nothing but love and respect and would never hit me or yell at me. The thing that worries me about the person that I am having an affair with is that during sex he likes it when i submit to him. I come from an abusive relationship and this makes me nervous sometimes but I know he would never hurt me. The other thing is that I was with him last night and he asked me to marry him. I did not know what to say and could not give an answer. I did not want to tell him that I was already married and even if I wasnt I dont think I want to be married again.
I know I am not doing the right thing and I know that I will probably get some negative feedback because of it. One of the thing that people will wonder is why dont I just leave an abusive relationship and get a divorce. It is not that easy. Believe it or not I still have some feelings for my husband and probably always will not only that but I am afraid of loosing everything I have worked so hard for.
Things are just so difficult right now. The first man to show me love and affection that I have not experienced in a long time is the one I want to be with but I am afraid to leave my husband. I am afraid to think of what my family will think of me if I do leave him for the other man. I am afraid to think of what my husband will do when he finds out. I am afraid that my lover will leave me if he finds out I am married. I just dont know what to do. I feel as if I am trying to fill a void with my lover that I never had in my marriage.
deleted_user
I know it is not easy. I know from experience. But you need to leave your husband. And it isn't fair to lie to the new guy. Do you think he could help you leave? Do you have any support systems? Don't worry about what other people will think. I know that's easier said than done, but we can't spend our lives letting other people control us like that. You need to be happy, healthy and safe. You deserve that. You may lose things by leaving him, but think of all you can gain.
Kirbyqmom
Yup, what Liz said. You do need to make the break. I would suggest starting with locating the nearest battered woman's shelter in your area. Get the resources you need to make the break. At the same time, you do need to be honest with the new guy. If he loves you he will stick by you. But even if he doesn't, don't use that as an excuse to stay married to a guy who beats you up. You need to get away from this guy NOW
Kirbyqmom
Huh? I"m sorry Deepvolitions...did you miss the part about the husband beating her up? That's not fine by anyones standards...ok, well in the majority of people's standards and it's against the law. Don't want to make a generalized assumptions that EVERYONE thinks beating on their spouse is a bad thing.
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