Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
He will find the number on my phone when we go to get it fixed this evening. He will then know that I lied to him about yesterday. I will be kicked out on the streets with a broken hearted man and two broken hearted children because they will find out too. My life officially will be over and theirs also. How can I do this, how can I keep going. I'm so scared, I'm so broken, so lost. It was once a happy marriage now I have gone and ruined it all. One way or another he is finding out tonight. There will be no more chances. I don't care about what happens to me, just what happens to my husband and kids. Metallica "Fade To Black", that is who I've become, I do not exist. It's going to take a miracle for him to not find out tonight and for me to end this other relationship, it's done gone way too deep. Please prayers. Broken, and hit rock bottom. I want to die! I know I'll start using drugs again if I loose it all and alcohol. Oh God why did I do this, why???!!!!
I know that broken, lost and terrified feeling. My H caught me and it was terrible but we pulled together and did everything we could to rebuild our marriage. It doesn't always go that way, sometimes the Betrayed Spouse (BS) doesn't want to rebuild. If he finds out the ball is in his court....sort of. It's also in your court because it will be up to you to do whatever it takes to rebuild yourself and help him through it.
I used to think that if I ever got caught it would destroy my husband and he would never look at me in that special adoring way again. I thought it would ruin a good and loving marriage. I thought it would destroy him. I could have been right about all that but it didn't turn out that way. He wanted to give me a chance and I took full advantage of that chance. I knew I wouldn't get another one. going no contact with my OM was extremely hard but I did it. You just hang onto NC for dear life no matter how strong the pull. You cry and pray and keep breathing and keep hanging on.
I pray that no matter what happens you will find it in yourself to do the right things. Dig deep to discover what those right things are in your situation. You could succumb to depression or drugs or drinking or (God forbid) suicide, but you know that will not be the way to go. Instead get the help you need (you're here, that's a start) get council either with a therapist or a ministry, read books and / or websites or other literature on affair recovery. I'm assuming you are under some kind of care for Bi Polar so that may be a starting point. This could be a turn your life around launching point. It's gonna be hard, no matter how it goes because the damage is done, but damage can be repaired and healed with the proper "medicine."