Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
Hello. I recently shared my full story http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/cheatersanonymous/discussions/messages/20693287). In short, W and I had an open relationship, where casual outside hookups were OK, but not more. However, when I had my first casual hookup, I fell hard, and it became an emotional relationship—not just physical. I texted A LOT and W asked me to stop. I said I would, but instead just switched to Facebook and messaged more. W caught me, feels totally betrayed and hurt, and has moved out. (We've been going to counseling and are talking, going on dates, etc...trying to see if we can maybe rebuild)
I'm writing today because I'd like some thoughts/guidance on dealing with friends and family learning about us living apart, either from me or my W. We've both said we plan on not going into too much detail w/ people...just telling them that we're separate from now and going from there. Only closest friends and parents know all the details at this point.
I feel shame about what happened, and I'm scared about how people will react (even though so far, the friends I have told, whether it be all the details or not, have been understanding). Any advice on getting past this fear and shame an opening up to people about what the situation is? It's been a very slow, difficult process for me so far
I'm writing today because I'd like some thoughts/guidance on dealing with friends and family learning about us living apart, either from me or my W. We've both said we plan on not going into too much detail w/ people...just telling them that we're separate from now and going from there. Only closest friends and parents know all the details at this point.
I feel shame about what happened, and I'm scared about how people will react (even though so far, the friends I have told, whether it be all the details or not, have been understanding). Any advice on getting past this fear and shame an opening up to people about what the situation is? It's been a very slow, difficult process for me so far
How has opening up gone for others?
On a related note, I started reading "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown after our counselor recommended her. She looks at shame and vulnerability. Good read so far. The idea is that we need to debunk the myth that being vulnerable = being weak. In fact, being vulnerable, opening our self up to the world exactly how we are, is a sign of strength. I'm going to try to take this message to heart and embrace the vulnerability I feel knowing that people will find out about my W and I
I really like what you said about being vulnerable. The days that I let myself be vulnerable, I feel at peace. It is the other days where put up walls and let anger and fear about what has happened control me that I feel panic and exhaustion. Thank you for that post.
You're welcome, and thanks for sharing your experience as well. I'd definitely recommend picking up Ms. Brown's book. I'm only a few chapters in, but I like the message so far.