Here is the million dollar question -- is it your husband that can't give you the attention you need, or is it marriage that does not give you the attention you need?

See, marriage is not about that thrill you get when initially meeting, nor is it about that thrill when cheating, or flirting with someone new. Its different.

And if it is marriage that does not feed your needs long term, do you want a life style that does, or do you want to look really deeply inward and find out if those needs can be changed?

lol def the husband...

does your husband know he's not giving you the attention you need?
are you communicating it in a way he can understand?
Is it all on him?
guys perspective - remember we're wired differently - pride is our enemy -
something is influencing his attitude? - might not be you - work ok for him? big jam up for me that contributed to an affair.
I'm not answering your question cuz I don't have an answer.
I only wish I had talked more with my wife about love and got the help we are getting now.

He knows he's not doing what he should. No, I haven't been communicating it because he knows already. Why be a nag? No, it's not all on him. If I felt he'd be open and understanding and not dramatic I'd be more vocal.
Yes, he leads a stressful life so I try to not pile on to it.

Roxy

Roxy - I am not sure how you mean your question in the context of your situation.

I believe marriage shouldn't be one sided. It takes two (but not three!). Two people giving it their all.

Unconditional love doesn't mean that you need to take all the punches that are being thrown your way by your love. It is not your mother's love. This one should be truly unconditional meaning you tell me you hate me and I keep loving you. In the marriage it is more "I love you just the way you are" love and "I am willing to work hard on nurturing and protecting it" love.

If your spouse does not reciprocate your love I don't think you HAVE TO to love him unconditionally and stick around forever. Even Rhett Buttler's love for Scarlett finally died. Even he couldn't take the treatment she was giving him....... ;-).

Sometimes however we don't see clearly. In case of Scarlett she couldn't see her own feelings.... Just because you don't see it it doesn't mean it is not there..... He might be showing you his love in a way that does not make you feel loved. Begin by working on making him see you, your love and what you need from him to feel loved by him.

I did not read it but Gabi and Cole recommend the book "His needs, her needs". Based on their recommendation and comments it must be a great book.
It also sounds like "Five languages of love" might be a good read for you.

If you want your marriage this is I guess the way to go.

By the way I just realized what a splendid description of emotional affair Gone With the Wind is. (Emotional only because it is XIX century....) How many years Scarlett thinks Ashley is the love of her life only to suddenly wake up and realize that what she loved so madly was only the image of him she created in her heart...... And what a destruction it caused...... Wow. Thank you for inspiring me to see it!

Roxy - just because you think he knows it doesn't mean he does. I think Spokane reply is spot on.....

Trust me - he would rather have you nag him ad mortem defecatem (excuse my french) than have you cheat on him......

"should" might be the problem.
I got the same messages from my wife and because I "should" I let pride win and it kept me from "wanting".
Your story sounds so familiar -
Men are not wired to be open - pride mostly - macho shit too.
It took a catastrophe for me to learn to be open.
stress is tough. it has a huge influence mentally and physically. might be a barrier worth learning to manage.
Counseling is my answer but it took a lot to get me there. Had to break down pride.
this is just my perspective, might not be your answer
the question is a good one. Do you know Jesus' love? there is lots to learn from it. HIs story is kinda about one-sided love, what he did for us. Whether you believe in him or not - there's some good lessons in his story.
For me, he suffered all the pain and sin of the world - mine too- satisfied God's wrath - became my pardon in God's eyes.
sadly I used that forgiveness as a sort of permission to cheat on my wife - so I'm still screwed up - and he's still with me. not trying to go holy roller on you - just sharing

I guess the partial answer in my 'Jesus' lesson is that Mock might be right - forever

Thanks for the replies!

Jay- yw. My mom used to have the Gone With The Wind tapes. I watched them all once and don't remember a lot about it.

Spokane- LOL a holy roller! Yes, I know a lot about Jesus.

lol did not defend the H

lol asked you to ask yourself a hard question

lol did not tell what I believe the answer is

lol over and out

lol dramatic and sensitive. nice combo

His Needs, Her Needs is at the library...I put it on hold.

jeez I hate the fact that we can't delete or edit our comments...

goingtobeok,

I apologize for offending you in any way. Some questions I don't answer because I don't know the answer or I don't know how to respond to it or I just don't want to share...etc. People already don't understand me as it is...

Roxy

Nothing productive will come from my continuing with you so I will just gracefully let you have the last word.

Wow .. wish I could edit too.

We are good, just in different places.

Peace