Wow bienkie - you just totally transported me back to one week post Dday. (Discovery day) I totally relate to almost everything you said. My H found out too when I was in the middle of a very emotional affair. The pain and devastation post Dday is terrible for everyone. My H forgave me as well and we have been rebuilding our M (Marriage) now for 2.5 years. We are doing well and you will too. Sometimes it's all you can do to just keep swimming. It will get gradually better, I promise, but it is a hard hard journey.

Those first few weeks I was pretty much shell shocked along with my H and the OM. I had 2 phone calls with the OM and 3 textversations before NC (No contact) took hold. It was really really hard for a long long time. OM is like a second husband in these types of affairs. We don't get over them easily. I ended up having to wear a rubber band around my wrist and snapping it when I was obsessing and couldn't break myself out of it. I would tell myself to stop and it usually works.

Here are the things I did in those first few shell shocked weeks. I sought spiritual help and began to work on myself spiritually again. My H and I talked and talked and talked. We got started in counseling and I started meeting regularly with my priest. H and I started reading A recovery books togeher.

The first thing you need to read is How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual For the Unfaithful. I will have more excellent suggestions later, but this one is first. You can get it from Amazon in hard copy or e-book or even audio. It's not expesive and it's the best I have seen.

I gotta go now, but I'll be back later. Hang in there. (((hugs)))

I am so sorry you find yourself here. You are still in the very early painful stages. It hurts, it sucks and you feel like you will never recover. I was in the same situation. A very emotional A. It ripped my heart out when it ended. It has been over 7 months and I still miss the OM. BUT....I no longer think of him everyday. I no longer cry everday. I don't remember when the tears stopped but they will for you too. It does get better even though right now it doesn't feel like it possibly can. Hang in there. We are here to help you.

I am with Gabi. I was a mess the first week after Dday. My husband and I did not separate but I was waiting for him to kick me out. He cried a lot, I cried a lot. I got drunk a few times too but then realized it cant be about my pain. It has to be about my husband. I was actually really angry at my OM and did not miss him. I did want to know what he was thinking and what was happening in his marriage to my ex BF. The first thing I did was got the book suggested by Gabi. It really opened my eyes to how to help my husband. Of course, it is still a struggle but I have this wonderful group of people that help me through it. Let go of the OM, focus on you marriage and work on yourself.

I can't thank you enough for your advice! From the bottom of my heart thank you! It helps so much to know that I am not alone..

The other ladies are right. It's a slow process, and there are many ups and downs, but it DOES get better. I have been NC with my OM (who was my first love years ago) for almost 9 months. Like icnu, I still have moments, and occasionally days where I still miss him very much. But it is no longer a constant overwhelming ache the way it used to be. Time does help so much. You've come to a good place. I hope you find peace and comfort here.