I have a history of cheating on partners, even on partners that I am in love with. I feel a thrill of gaining attention from someone else who thinks I'm attractive, more so when my partner isn't giving me that attention. I know it's wrong, but I find it difficult to resist because I feel lonely and unwanted when my partner isn't giving me attention or regular sex. I finally met a man whom I thought was perfect for me - I was very attracted and in love with him, and I believed he felt the same for me too, but then I found out he had been cheating on me with someone else and had lied about a lot of other things too. This is the first time I'm experiencing what it feels like to be cheated on. I feel like I'm being punished for all my previous mistakes. This pain is so new for me, I don't know how to deal with it. I'm worried that it will further strengthen my beliefs that everybody cheats, thereby making me undervalue the notion of loyalty even more. I want to be loyal. I want to be happy and stable. I'm afraid I might not ever get that. I feel like part of why I have always cheated is because I'm terrified that the relationship wouldn't work anyway, so why be loyal? I know it sounds terrible. I'm still trying to understand why someone as empathetic and loving as myself keeps cheating.