Welcome, you've landed in a very good place. There are plenty of us CS's here....and everyone of us could have written your welcome letter above. Seriously. We all understand the inability to "air out" these issues in the public eye. Not like you can talk to your Husband about the issue, is it? Journal, make friends, ignore the trolls, read, listen, share (at your own pace, and your own comfort level), grow.

Hi, Alys! What's your situation?

Hey There! Welcome aboard. How can we help you?

Welcome! You are right, there is no support for the villains of the story. Except here, in our own little den of iniquity. But we do need support too...because affairs hurt everyone, even the guilty.

The replies here remind me why I appreciate this little corner of the internet so much!

You've definitely found a helpful place!

Thank you for the welcome! So I started my affair almost ten years into my marriage. We "dated" for about two years but decided to "break up" for various reasons, only one of those being that I am married. We are still very close, actually consider each other as best friends. The relationship started as just physical but then turned emotional. Now we are the kind of friends who can love and hate each other at the same time.
My husband never found out about it. His family and friends think I hung the moon.
The hardest part is feeling like I am living a double life, but it has just become so easy.
Does anyone else feel this way?

Personally, I feel as lost as I do calm without my double life. It's such a frustrating feeling.

All of us cheaters or former cheaters live a double life. Some of us are better at it than others. Some of us are actually damn good at it.
Me as well as my AP or two.....you'd never guess it about each other.....we were THAT good.
I'd spend the afternoon in bed with my AP then make it to little league-just in time- to sit with the other moms and talk about the annoying 6th grade teacher.
I've spent the morning in a hotel room and made it home just in time to take my mother in law to the doctor.
I wish I had a dime for the countless of times we participated in conference calls while laying in bed naked together or put our spouses on speaker phone. One time I helped him tell his wife how to use an online program by demonstrating it on the computer to him while he had her on speaker all the while he was rubbing my back.........
And overtime, if you feel ok with it all, it does get easier.
Just FYI.....none of this is anything I'm proud of, it just is what it is. I completely understand what you are saying. I'd actually HATE it when people would say what a good person I was because on the tip of my tongue was: "No, I'm not I cheat on my husband" Crazy, crazy stuff.

Oh boy....that double life. Yup. It got to me, badly. Like Shore, none of this is anything I enjoy remembering....but one AP and I met on my son's birthday. Seriously, on his birthday. In retrospect, I am disgusted with myself. It was easy at the time, yes.

So, you are the "unicorn"..... 2 year affair, and you are still besties with your AP. No D-Day and you seemingly have your wits about you. Holy shit. Just about everyone on this board is going to envy you. So, hopefully we learn as much from you, as you learn from us.

At this point, I'd suggest making friends, and accepting friend requests. Most of the learning takes place in journals, just saying.

Like the above posters, I've done some shady things with the double life. One that sticks out (not trying to one-up you, Guilty!) is the time I went straight from a guy's house to the school with cupcakes for my son's birthday.

The double life sometimes makes us feel like we have it all together. I suspect we're all a little emotionally ADHD.

"I feel as lost as I do calm without my double life" P&D, as usual, you put words out that express exactly what I feel.

Ugh, the double life. I used to live it but in my case do not miss it. I ended up feeling more obligated to more people than ever before and was less authentically or honestly myself. In my case, it blew up catastrophically and there was no way to justify why I allowed myself to have a secret relationship. I hope you are able to sort it out without everyone getting hurt. I am jaded when it comes to that because I think people often eventually find out.

Two lives, 2 wives. Then four years later., a catastrophic melt down that I thought was Chernobyl .. And some Mormons really live it for life?

Well said, my friend. Chernobyl.

Totally Chernobyl. Huge blast, then radiation leaking for years.