Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
Hi all. I've posted here once before but can't find it. Anyhow things have changed since then.
I've been in an affair for 2.5 years. We are both married. Her husband works one month on and one month off. Up until the start of December we used to see each other at least three to four or maybe even five times a week.
In December her husband came back for the month. Something started to change. She didn't allow us to see each other even once that whole month. She claimed it was Christmas and therefore too busy and too hard. I claimed to understand.
Jan something even more strange happened. Rather than reverting to our normal schedule, which I was looking forward to, she appeared to first explode, then implode. She says she is undergoing a meltdown. She quit her job ( we work in the same office, but have no contact at work) because she said she couldn't handle the pressures of two relationships, a full time job and a business on the side. I was incredibly pained but I understood, after all, I was still seeing her as I had her to myself this month.
Anyway we are only a week into the month and I have tried to nurse her back to normal. But to no avail. I've taken her to dinners, out rowing, made her meals at her house, and bent over backwards. Then the unexpected happened when I went to see her this morning.
Rather than getting better, she got worse. To the point of almost being catatonic. No response, no reaction. Nothing. I asked her (against my will) if she would like some time to herself, as in we don't see each other for awhile. She said yes. I asked if we were breaking up. She said no. I asked her if she wanted her keys back. She said no.
I know she is booked in to see a therapist this week. I also know that she is either being normal or pretending to be normal to her husband, as I saw her emails to him on her phone when she left it on the coffee table. This confuses me even more as you could understand.
Anyway as of now I've been asked by her to not go over until she says so. I'm utterly confused and I know many of you have been down this road so I need to please plead for your objective assistance in understanding this and what to do next.
:(
I've been in an affair for 2.5 years. We are both married. Her husband works one month on and one month off. Up until the start of December we used to see each other at least three to four or maybe even five times a week.
In December her husband came back for the month. Something started to change. She didn't allow us to see each other even once that whole month. She claimed it was Christmas and therefore too busy and too hard. I claimed to understand.
Jan something even more strange happened. Rather than reverting to our normal schedule, which I was looking forward to, she appeared to first explode, then implode. She says she is undergoing a meltdown. She quit her job ( we work in the same office, but have no contact at work) because she said she couldn't handle the pressures of two relationships, a full time job and a business on the side. I was incredibly pained but I understood, after all, I was still seeing her as I had her to myself this month.
Anyway we are only a week into the month and I have tried to nurse her back to normal. But to no avail. I've taken her to dinners, out rowing, made her meals at her house, and bent over backwards. Then the unexpected happened when I went to see her this morning.
Rather than getting better, she got worse. To the point of almost being catatonic. No response, no reaction. Nothing. I asked her (against my will) if she would like some time to herself, as in we don't see each other for awhile. She said yes. I asked if we were breaking up. She said no. I asked her if she wanted her keys back. She said no.
I know she is booked in to see a therapist this week. I also know that she is either being normal or pretending to be normal to her husband, as I saw her emails to him on her phone when she left it on the coffee table. This confuses me even more as you could understand.
Anyway as of now I've been asked by her to not go over until she says so. I'm utterly confused and I know many of you have been down this road so I need to please plead for your objective assistance in understanding this and what to do next.
:(
Another detail I know is that she and her husband have booked an overseas trip for a month next month.
I guess I am just seeing dots but can't join them by myself which is why I am here.
She ended up messaging me last night -just something trivial, about her business. I replied with a similar non-message.
Then later on I am on social media and I see her commenting on her ex boyfriends posts, calling him
Darling. Now bear in mind this woman is married, and has also been with me for 2.5 years, in constant contact, over 40-50 messages daily.
Today she messages me again to say good morning. Nothing else. But the way she said it made me realise that that's all she will say today.
I'm stuck because if I create distance then I lose her. If I don't create distance and I message her then I drive her away. What on earth am I to do? I wish I could just delete her from my life and climb this mountain slowly. But I'm not ready to lose her. Even now that something has changed the sadness is too great. I'm truly in a bind.