This phrase has haunted me for years.. I'm not sure why I am this why but it's ruined my life.. I was told by a friend when I was young, "once a cheater, always a cheater". I didn't believe it then but now I'm not sure what to think.. I have had less the a handful of sexual partners and even less official relationships. But I've cheated in each one of them... When I fall in love I just can't let go.. It's like in a perfect world I would never have to choose and I could just have them all... I've been having affairs with the same 4 people back and forth for years.. My current "boyfriend" (I'm not sure what we are at the moment) and I have been together for nearly 6 years and I had two affairs, at the same time with my exes, one for 3 years, the other for 5... I don't talk to either of them anymore because they wised up and moved on, one is married, the other engaged.. I still fantasize about them every day.... I love my boyfriend... Truly... I love them all.... I don't understand why I can't find contentment.... I loathe myself.. I'm beyond depressed, hahave been for a decade.. I am defeated and it all stems back to this.... I need help.. What is wrong with me?