Sorry about spelling did this on phone

Listen to your mum & dad. They are right...stop beating yourself up. This isn't the last mistake you'll ever make but it will be the last time you make this mistake.

Thank you for replying clover means alot to me this reply i know everybody has there own opinions in the situation

Anybody else got any advice thanks .

I still think it's possible that this mistake was driven by some need you have that's not currently being met by your marriage or your inner self. People seek out infidelity to fill a hole and it may be worth seeking some counseling to find a way to identify what you are missing. I actually think that the anxiety that you feel is a coping mechanism to deal with that void in your life as much as it is guilt-driven. Just my 2 cents.

Most all of us who have cheated have felt this gut wrenching hating of what we have done and even hate ourselves at times. I still struggle with forgiving myself- even though I believe in God and have asked his forgiveness more than once. I'm sure it is an issue that I will struggle with from time to time, for a long time to come (I have been out of my affair for over a year). I will also add- that by your feeling this way- you are clearly remorseful, which is a start. I think That being said- First- you have children. If no other reason- they are your reason to pull yourself together and live. They need a dad in their life and you are it! they need a strong loving and caring father. 2. You have to decide if you are going to tell your spouse or not. There are a lot of differing opinions on this, and you will ultimately have to sort out what you think is best for your situation. If you do not tell your spouse- you need to really calm down and figure out why you did it. Yes, there was drinking involved, and may be a slightly older seductive woman involved. BUT bottom line- why did you allow yourself to cheat? why did you allow yourself to be seduced? What is missing deep with in yourself? You have to take time to figure these things out. I would advise counseling if you can afford it. Personal counseling helped me to answer these questions for myself. Everybody has different reasons why they have cheated or enter into an affair, or even have a one night stand. Lastly, you are a human being with human flaws. I encourage you to find some forgiveness for yourself. Do your best to be the best husband and dad you can be. If there are any unsettled or problematic issues in your marriage- do your best with your wife to fix them. It is so important for your children to try to stay together and be a strong family unit. Please update us with how you are doing. It may take time for people to reply, but give them a chance- many on here offer great advice, especially those of us in the group that are further along in the healing process. Hope this helps a little.

Thank you for reading this and taking time to reply i really dont have any problems i have tryed to think of many but we get on have sex hardly argue i duno weather it was just being immature and the fact o was with mates made me feel and take me away from being a family man but i know deep down that its not me we are due to get married this year i really do love her i have learned from this and since av put 110% into my whole family life ! Is it posible , have peolple had one night stands when still happy and inlove its made me realise even more than when i say them vows i will mean them and remember them !! Is it worse that it was a one night stand and not an affair as i would never see this women again i just cant belive how stupid i have beeen sorry for long posts thanks again for reading

Bs here and it seems the guilt is eating you alive. I wonder if you are more upset with the cheating or the keeping it inside. Do you feel she had the right to know? I hope you havea good counselor who csn help you. If it ends up being too much holding this in, telling her at a counseling session might be the best place.

Nobody can predict her reaction or her ability to forgive and move on but there are plenty of bs who have. Also plenty who have not.

I would imagine that this guilt and self loathing is coming through to her. She probably sees something is different. If you choose not to tell her, I still recommend counseling to learn first what brought you to cheat and second hoe to live with it and forgive yourself.