is that even possible?! lol

I think it could be...

Maybe eventually, if the partners are both unattached now...but if there are some BS still in the picture, I would not even try to go there...it s just too easy to fall back into an A.

Yes, I remained friends with my AP long after the physical bit had ended. The emotional bit is a slippery slope however. As there are so many memories. And while we suppressed and never spoke about the emotions, it would rear its head very briefly at times. But then we'd jump back almost immediately which was difficult to do before. It got easier to manage feelings and shut the door. Also, would your "friendship" be a secret one? Mine was until I told my H about the A. I then made NC with my AP thereafter as we both knew it wouldn't be accepted by our BS. I think it could work only if the BS is fine with this, which I would doubt that they ever would be. But I felt with my AP, because our relationship started as a friendship that we could speak about anything too just as W.ADDICTED also mentioned. However, my focus is more on my M this for me is more important, so would have to sacrifice any sort of friendship.

My husband knows that I am friends with him. However, he does not know about the affair. So… the Friendship would not be a secret. But I don't think I ever have any intention of telling my husband about the affair.

I know someone that happened to, though I would think that the success of remaining in contact with an AP would not have good odds. The H had a brief A when he was in his 20's with a woman he had been friends with first. As I understand it, the AP of the husband was the one who quickly cut things off, and it was never mentioned again to anybody (except her close friend who is me). The H was OK with ending the A, and, as years went on, the W of the H who had cheated and the H's long-ago AP became very good friends. They are all now in their 60's.

of course! it's still a secret! ignorance is bliss.

It's possible.. but I imagine it comes with some sort of emotional price.

I think that in order to be fully, 100% no sh*t committed to your M, you need to be NC. Plain and simple, no exceptions. This is coming from a serial CS who stayed friends with 2 APs for years and recently gave it all up for what I hope to be a fairly simple life.

I agree with P&D on this--the people that I know of who remained friends all these years post-A are in the minority definitely. I would not advise anybody to go down that road--not sure if I could do that myself, and I am a BS who has never cheated.

In my case it would be impossible. Wich leads to me think it would depend on the situation. If emotional/sexual chemistry was high it would be near impossible.

As a serial cheater, I can say that with a few of my APs who were short, little, simple flings, I have remained friends with them peripherally...occasional texts, lunches, coffees...maybe a few times a year, always platonic and meetings in public. But those are people where the connection even during the A was just fun and simple and didn't put me in "the fog."

I have had two APs over the years that have strained my marriage. One I left my spouse for, but then returned and reconciled. The other I almost left for and still deeply love. Those two are NC, completely. The first is NC because the way it played out was too painful and the love is gone. The second is NC because the love and addiction is still there and it will take over every rational thought.

I agree with Pretty. Although you were friends first, that relationship changed and you became something else. Maybe if there was zero emotional attachment, which is rare but happens for a woman, it could be eventually..... But I think that would be years down the road.

In reality staying 'friends' is a way of holding on.

And everyone has a point...... Would it be a secret friendship? Then doesn't that become an EA with the potential of being physical again?