Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
I met him in high school and 12 years later we’re married. He’s perfect and caring and only has eyes for me. You just won’t believe how nice he is and loves me so much.
We had the perfect lives, job, house, family, friends but I was missing something... about 6 years ago I make the realisation that I had no sex drive with him. I tried all sorts ( online search, doctors, pills) nothing make it better. It got worse and so bad that I dreaded having sex and I make excuses but I loved him and wanted him happy. I convinced myself it was just the way I was and that I would never enjoy sex.
Something I never thought would happy... I went away on a work trip and cheated on my husband :( . It’s so out of character for me. He was a friend and in time I started seeing him and building a relationship and realised that sex was part of a relationship. It was an emotional rollercoaster and I tried to pull away and go back to what I had but I couldn’t. He told me that what I was doing staying with my husband was selfish to my husband as he said we acted more life best friends.
My husband did find out after 1 year and I prayed to god that I would do anything to make this terrible thing I’ve done go away. I told my husband and he agreed we would make it work and I love him for that.
At first my feelings were so strong to make this work and I would try anything. A few months later I feel so miserable but I don’t know why? I think about the guy I cheated on with and I had imagined a new future with him but he was so different it would be a complete change of my life and ruin what life I have.
ive been looking for some help as I have no one in my life I can talk to. I’m 27 with no kids and life I said my life had all the things anyone would want and I know I love my husband but then why do I feel so sad?
i know what I’ve done is terrible. I’m ashamed and my family would be ashamed but I just want to be happy and make someone happy.
It actually seems like you have more than many would even dream about having.
The troubling thing is that have little to no appreciation for what you have and the person who has been providing them for you. Nor does it appear that you have true repentance given your lack of motivation to love your husband, who has given you another chance.
A very skewed perspective on life generally requires professional help so this is something you definitely have to pursue first. It will be very unlikely that you would be able to change meaningfully without this guidance.
Shame is a poor motivator for change and it appears this is what is primarily fueling your attempts to behave better. In the end this strategy will just keep you in a cycle of shame and acting out. May or may not be an affair the next time but it will be something destructive.