Congrats on 5 days of NC ..... it IS hard isn't it. Each day should be taken day by day or sometimes hour by hour.

In regard to NC I learned two valuable thoughts:
1) Spokane once told me, Instead of focusing on NC with the wrong choice (your xAP) focus on FC (full contact) with your spouse. Focus on that. Let me say it again....focus on that. Once, instead of "wanting"/"remember" how I would send a sexy text to my OM...I sent one to my H....he didn't know what hit him. It gave me that great feeling hearing his reaction.
2) NC is a time for you to do a 180...again, instead of focusing on not contacting her.....focus on what you can do for yourself to heal. If you feel yourself wanting to write a text, do something else....Clover told me to take a run, a drive, a walk....ANYTHING. Sometimes, Restore I prayed. I remember being at work once and hiding in the bathroom and just praying and praying. If you feel you need to say something...write it out...journal it out. One time he contacted me in the early days and I wrote a journal entry "I need help. I'm not strong enough"...And the responses came through.The journal on this site is not only anonymous it is a wonderful tool.

Now,I struggle with HIM contacting me! (Leave me the hell alone!!) I promise you there will come a time when you roll your eyes when you even see their name.....even though the temptation is still there to respond....

You are so right!!!!

Wow. That was much needed. I'm on day 6 of NC, I am actually starting to feel relied. I never realized what an emotional burden he was...

Now I haven't had to deal with him figuring out how to get around my blocking him from everything. I know he'll find a way. I just need to buy time to do what you said about focusing on my husband!

Cervelo we need a pack focus on our spouses..... Did you have a d-day?

I really want to break this addiction called AP want it to be a big xAP!

Agreed! Now at the risk of sounding really stupid, I'm not quite sure what d-day is, but if i had to guess it was the day I told the OM that I am done?? If that is the case it July 1 @ 11am....I had tried to reach him for 2 days but he was tied up on the West Coast in meetings. I could't wait any longer, I had built up nerve and needed to proceed. I tried to message him for a few hours to see if he could give me a few minutes but he couldn't so I send him a messaged telling him.

You can break this addiction, as I am hopeful I can too. All these here that have been out of this ugly cycle for so long are proof that we got this. We might have bad days, but there are going to be good days too. In my heart I believe that in time that the good days will start to out number the bad ones to where it's a memory of something that happened to someone else :)

Now let's proceed with your plan to pack focus on our spouses!!!

D-day is the day it's all revealed to your husband either by you or by being caught! My spouse doesn't know.

ohh yuck. I liked mine better :)

He found out 2 years ago, but I lied and told him that we just talked and kissed. The A continued on for 2 more years, well I am praying that it's over now.

I hope mine is too!!!