I feel like a horrible human being. I have hurt the one person I care about and love so deeply and have ruined so many lives....and for what? For selfish insecurites I knew I had and did nothing to fix them in the past. I pretended that I was fine and I could fix it on my own. I can't. I have proven that too many times now. Why would I do this and why would I let it happen multipe times?

My wife is kind, sweet, and understanding - she always has been. We have been together for over 6 yrs now (married 2.5yrs). We were perfect for each other and brought out the best. We were a team. A perfect team. Now I have failed her and I'm afraid she won't be able to forgive me this time for what I have done. To be honest, why should she...

I had an affair with a coworker. At first it was just nice talking and letting the stress of work out to each other - nothing bad. Then it started to get flirty. My wife found out and I stopped communicating with him. Time had passed and then we started speaking again. I thought I had it under control and we could be work friends. But this time it got worse. We would email inappropriately back and forth, go to lunch, and eventually we got physical. My wife found the emails. I ruined her. She forgave me and she worked so hard for over a year to try and trust me. I just ruined that hard progress a month or so ago because a few days ago...She found another email to him saying we should be together and how we kissed right before the Christams break. The sad part is I don't even want to be with him so I dont know why I would do this? Am i really that selfish and insecure about myself? I feel psycotic. Especially because I want to be with my wife and show her I am right for her...I'm not even sure that's fair for her. She should find someone that would never do this to hurt her and I should be alone. 

I wish I had the courage to have stopped this horrible thing that I have done so many times. I'm not even sure I understand completely why I started or why I didn't ask for help and stop it. It makes it worse because I was seeing a therapist and had every opportunity to do so. I wanted to keep it a secret because I was ashamed of myself and I didn't want to admit outloud that I am a horrible person to have done this to someone.

I have a therapist appointment today and my wife found this site and has encourage me to join and seek support to help me. I would appreciate any support I can get to help me be a wife she deserves and a better person.