I can't even spell stupid right! :-(

Truth is ..I did get a STD from OM a while back..he never admitted was him..he blamed me.so yea..he has nerve to wonder why I go crazy or should I say AM crazy to still be in this A.. My H has idea I'm seeing OM..no proof or D day. I go out at least twice a week...my H has been through a lot ..I used to be a good wife..just unhappy for a long time..this A wasn't the answer to my unhappiness. .just a vand aid..I need to NC with OM.

I know what I need to do..maybe being honest with H about OM would force me to stop..but I know my H would disown me and possibly will either kill him or he kill me..We have been married for 30 yrs..but I'm getting desperate..to make change in life..NOT to be with OM..our relationship is unhealthy. .but I need a healthy change. .therapy is soo expensive. I know what I need to do.

Justdrift..yes we are both married.

Hi, first off I think that the first think you need to do is ask yourself is the hell that you are going through worth this affair. Your husband already suspects but doesn’t have proof you say, this is a HUGE red flag, because once a spouse suspects, then the quest begins to find, and usually they are successful. If that happens then the hell that you are going through now is nothing compared to what will happen! Next question to ask yourself is do you want to save your marriage? Do you think you are going to be starting a new life with your OM? Because it doesn’t sound like that’s where he is. I think maybe your first priority needs to be you at this point. I know you say that therapy is expensive, but if you belong to a church, there are options there that you can utilize. But if there is any way you can make it work, you have to get some individual counseling. You mentioned confessing to your husband, but you also said there would be consequences, and you are right there will be, that is virtually unavoidable, as if he finds out there will be consequences, if you tell him there will be consequences, and you are living the consequences of not telling him right now. Being a cheater is one of the most nerve wracking, emotionally draining things that anyone can do. You are living a double life, and you can’t reconcile the two. It’s a hard road, and truth be told these things often don’t end well. Please read as much on this site as you can. Specifically read anything you can by Gabrielle and Cole50. They are a couple who have survived infidelity and have even written a book about it. I would challenge you to make friends on this site and journal your thoughts. You will find the people here to be very supportive as we have all gone thought the same thing in one way shape or form. As always be blessed - GaC

Greenandclean-Thank you four your reply. I have been a member of this site for a while. Jump ship like 3 yrs ago and regret it tremendously. What I keep trying to get a grip on regarding my H is even after communicating about how unhappy I feel..even before A. H has ED..is overweigkght and has no problem livibg his life working. He expresses that I should understand and that I don't reach out to him..doesn't matter because ED is a medical condition. That is not my fault and have and do try to come to terms with that..for better or worse right? Well..lije a lot of people here I met OM at previous job..we got caught up..Was just supposed to be a sex thing..but he knew what he was doing...we startrd traveling..biking..sailboating..and I was smitten! He took me out of my comfort zone. .but ..I fell in love. He wants to keep A going and telks my I'm making a mistake if I stop. I would be moving backwards..not forward. I change my # he finds it..he comes around my home..he calls my jobs...but he doesn't leave his wife.. So I'm stuck in the decision of passion and fun or reality of marriage and sacrifice. .I have talked to my priest..off course he suggest I fall in love with my H again and forget/forgive OM . I love stability of marraige.mayve just afraid to be alone..which very mucb may happen if I keep in the wrong direction. Ihave found my way out of this hole..But I know without change they're eill be no change..

Why is it so important? Why do we need the validation of another dysfunctional person? Why do THEY have to validate us? Is it because THEY rejected us? So, we keep trying to undo that?

Clovermoon..I don't understand your statement.

Take back your life, get rid of him. He sounds like a real loser. I would keep it simple and honest, and break it off "professionally". Just tell him that you need to focus on yourself and your relationship and let him go. It sounds like he wants to go elsewhere anyways.

I agree with Sally and Clover too. He isn't worth any aggravation.if it's causing you stress, is it really worth the risk? And if he has OOW....sooo not worth it. He's out there to play & play only. Take care of yourself . Anyone that causes that much stress in your life simply doesn't deserve to be in it. If I were you I'd take time completely away with complete NC and clear your head.

Thank you guys! I've been in no contact mode...he's trying his best to get my attention but I've been staying strong!

Good for you! Do you feel more in control of your life and emotions? Taking a stand and saying no can be empowering.

SorrySally-feeling depressed. I keep going in circles with same results. So emotionally exhausted.