Hi. You are, stuck between a rock and a hard place that is. Every CS here is going to tell you they understand (we do!) and to get out - - now! We've all been on the other side of where you are and to quote one of my favorite friends from this site, "these things never end well". They don't. GET OUT. Go no contact, ASAP. Be the strong one. The sooner you do it, the less of a mess you will make and the more feelings you'll spare. Trust me. Been there, done that and still surviving the bitter backlash of the A.

Is it EVER possible to just stay friends and stay in touch? Or am I just kidding myself. We live an hour apart... So it isn't like we can easily see each other. I feel like I've destroyed myself and will never be the same.

Pretty is right--get out like yesterday, despite your feelings. Your feelings are running your life and ruining your family. Do you really want that? You are in the midst of a flame addiction, under the influence of Dopamine and all this will eventually come to an end, most likely a very tragic end. You could lose your husband and family over this--is this really worth that? So stop now, end all contact, concentrate on your husband. Do you really believe that he deserves such a betrayal? I would bet your answer is no----just more evidence that Dopamine is running your life right now.

Yes, this must end and there will be no easy way. You and the people involved in this are human. There will be pain plain and simple. It's not like you can flip a switch. You and AP need to realize this.. Force yourself to think thru the possible outcomes and take responsibility as to who will endure the pain. You and him alone? Or you and him and many more.. And if that happens pain will come from all corners in all kind of ways with a fierceness you both cannot imagine.
No, you will not be able to remain friends.

Please go read the infidelity and break up and divorce board. It won't be easy but from there you can start gathering the strength to so what you know you must do.

You are not alone. We have walked in your shoes. We will be here if you need us.

I agree with all the others here, you ABSOLUTELY MUST END THIS IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR FAMILY AND PREVENT FURTHER EMOTIONAL PAIN TO YOURSELF. Sure it hurts to end it now, but it will hurt a lot more if you drag it out. You are under an addiction like a drug and must get help from a professional and find a support group formal or informal. It is very hard to do this alone. Also, THERE IS NO WAY TO "JUST BE FRIENDS" with the affair partner. That is a trick that your mind is playing on you. Sure you can tell yourself that you are just friends, and you can even behave as friends for a while, but I assure you that at some point you will make plans to "meet up" for "coffee" or whatever and tell yourself the whole time that you are just "friends" and that you can handle it, well trust me before you know it, you will be in some room taking off your clothes and still telling yourself that you got this under control when you really don't. Follow Leaving's advice, read as much as you can on infidelity board, to see the pain that these relationship cause.

As my name suggests, I know how you feel.

To a large point, I agree with the others. Get out if you have the constitution to do so. But if you can't, prepare yourself for the most tumultuous journey you will likely ever go through. Whether you end up a better version of yourself or not, is up to how you navigate the twists and turns that you will find yourself in. You could lose it all, but then perhaps you were never meant to have what you currently have, for ever.
Either way, strap yourself in.

Lots of Love.

Stuck fast... What is your story? If you don't mind sharing? What did you do?

After posting my first post... He and I met up the next day. I texted him and told him that I was going to be alone for a few hours, because I was dropping my kids off with friends. He texted me back a few minutes later and said "where do you want to meet?"
We met halfway in between where we live. We did not end up having sex, but it was still definitely cheating status. At first, when he texted me back and said where do you want to meet? I was a little surprised and Un sure. I almost texted him back and said "never mind". But there is this part of me that is just so drawn to him. If given the opportunity, I cannot stay away from him. It's almost like he has some kind of control over me.

I feel for you. He has no control over you, however; only you have control over you. You know this, obviously, but sometimes it's good to see in print.

^ so so true.