Cheaters Anonymous Community Group

This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.

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Kosamui 06/27/2017

It has been a while since I have been on here. Months ago I decided to end my affair and started to work on my marriage. It was going okay until I fell off the bandwagon. Been in contact with AP since then, mainly just emailing. I know it was wrong and selfish of me. Anyways, AP and I use to email everyday for hours and now it has been less and less. He has not email me for days and when he does, he says "I love you" , I want you, and I miss you I would do anything for you and so on. I was getting this feeling that he may have moved on to find another lover on the side, and I feel like I have been jerked around. I knew he would never leave his marriage or his family. On top of that, he told his wife about the affair because when he mentioned he would do anything for me, he meant it.

I don't know what to believe in anymore. So today, I decided to end my affair again. I didn't email him or have any explantion but this time I just deleted my email account. He will probably get a returned message saying that the email is not deliverable or something like that. This is driving me crazy. I just want to scream, and cry. This is one addiction I want to get rid of. Did I do the right thing by just deleting my email and have no explanation?

thepassenger 06/28/2017

Sure, if it works. Just end it however you can. That's my advice. And every time you are tempted to break NC, post here instead or write a journal entry about it. You can even write as if you were writing to him...just don't write to him.

gravinggirl 06/28/2017

When I abruptly ended contact with AP, I told him, "This is hurting me and I cannot be in contact with you anymore." He persisted in trying to contact me using all means (email, social media, phone, and in person). I just didn't respond for a while, but seeing his attempts to suck me back in and guilt and manipulate me still hurt so deeply, so I deleted some accounts and blocked him in the others.

It took a long time to start hurting less, but it did happen. What helped was my 100% confidence I was making the healthiest decision for myself. I wish I could say I made it for my family, but at that time, I wasn't sure my marriage was going to last, so going no contact was about my own pain.

Good luck!

Kosamui 06/28/2017

@thepassenger. Thanks for the insight. I will give the journal a try. @gravinggirl Thanks for your comments. Did you grieve alone?
He has not contacted me yet so that is a good thing. I just need to get him off my mind. I feel so stupid because it was like he manipulated me and to keep me at bay. Really feeling resentful and mad at myself.

gravinggirl 06/29/2017

I grieved alone or in online support groups or with my therapist. I tried to shield my H from knowing how hard it was for me to cut ties with AP because it isn't H's job to support me there and he had already dealt with enough, but he did catch me crying a few times.

leavingabetterman 06/29/2017

Yes you did the right thing by just deleting email accounts. He's a manipulator and will always come up with some reason or another to keep conversation going. Try not to beat yourself up for not getting your "ending" right. Fact is most intense relationship break ups experience these slip ups.. but you have what you know must be done back on! Rally around yourself! Yes, journal! I and others would come here, journal and count the days of NC.. literally count! Yes, it seemed like hell and your emotions are going everywhere. But it worked for me.. I leaned on those that are here.. doubt I could have made it without this place and would still be in the toxic mess I was in... fucking crazy! Ha. So so glad I'm out of the fog.. I don't even hate her anymore.. I consider that a good thing. Good luck!

Kosamui 06/29/2017

Of course I got a text message yesterday from AP asking if everything was ok. I didn't even think he had my number. It took every ounce of me not to respond and just deleted the message. It was difficult but I kept on telling my self to ignore him.

leavingabetterman 07/01/2017

Good for you.. just take it one day at a time!

gravinggirl 07/03/2017

Ooh, block the number! I did that on Day 1 because I could not stand the thought of getting a text from AP while at home dealing with my marital situation. Kids might even see it.

LonelyAnne 07/03/2017

Are you still able to stay away? Are you still avoiding emails? Seems like it much be very hard from what I have read. I hope all is good with you.

Kosamui 07/03/2017

So far it has been almost a week NC!

flowergirl25 07/06/2017

Good for you Kosamui! Blocking and moving on will be best with less ways to contact in impulsive moments. He wasn't corresponding but now that he notices you are gone he wants to keep you on the line. Typical. Just know every day that goes by, you ar eone day closer to getting your life and sanity back!

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