i cheated on my boyfriend almost a month ago with an ex. It wasn’t 100% consensual but I let it happen. I told my boyfriend the next day even though I saw him that night... I felt like shit since then. I cry everyday and feel like an awful person. I apologize regularly and he broke up with me but he said he forgave me. But it doesn’t seem like that. Firstly he has been living with his ex girlfriend since before I cheated. I trusted him but it has been an insecurity of mine. Now when I see him it’s like he rubs in my face the relationship they have. They’re only friends is what he says so I have no right to feel hurt but I do feel that way. For his birthday I as he said we should just be friends for now until he heals I got him a very expensive gift that he picked out. And he was putting his arm around me and kissing my head as I got his gift then he refered to his ex he’s living with as his girlfriend. I went broke buying his gift. He said he would hang out with me for my birthday and the day before he called me over just to cancel as I was pulling up... he did that several times before but this one hurt the most because my birthday was the next day. I walk into his house anyway to talk but we didn’t talk I started to cry and he held me for a second and told me to go home. He said he was going to see me for my birthday. He didn’t. He unfriended me on my birthday after I opened up to him about my birthday being shitty so he knew it would hurt me it was like he was trying his best to hurt me. I pulled up to his place to talk and he spoke to me like what he did wasn’t wrong. It made me feel like shit. He told me I was making him too sad. I had to apologize for being depressed. It was my birthday and he didn’t say anything to me all day. He said he would add me back but lied straight to my face. I don’t care anymore I unfriended him on everything. He kept saying I was his everything. I did cheat I think it was wrong of me I felt like I couldn’t get out of the situation I was in after saying no on multiple occasions but it still happened. I’ve been struggling with anxiety depression and possibly ptsd because of this. My feelings throughout this process was regularly disregarded by everyone. I went out of my way to help my new ex. I didn’t spend time with a friend on my birthday because I was expecting a call. I was at least expecting a happy birthday from him. I haven’t been able to function for work or school because of my mental distress. I told him several times throughout the weeks that we didn’t have to be friends that I can leave him alone until he’s ready. He said no he wanted me in his life then he used me and threw me away on the day he knew would hurt the most. I feel like I didn’t deserve that even though I hurt him. I tried to fix it however he wanted. He said some underhanded very mean things to me. He used my body in a way I didn’t want and I let him because I felt like shit. I guess I deserve everything happening to me. He was most likely loyal and I betrayed him. It just hurts a lot to be treated like garbage.