Don't you wish there was a magic pill you could take that stop all temptations?

I truly, truly thought once I gave up my affair, I could stop cheating and be affair free for the rest of my marriage and never ever be tempted again and live happily every after.

I never thought there would be ongoing temptation, ongoing thought......

So how do I handle it? I don't act on it. I flirt, maybe......I smile and laugh and act so enchanting, but I make a choice not to cheat (you should have seen me at a party last night- flirting with men a few years ago I wouldn't have given the time of day too).....And its hard, please know its hard.....but it comes down to a choice.. We are all in control of our destiny and our actions. No one person can 'make' a person do something else. That's what free will is, no? I don't feel like I'm headed for a trap, because I'm in control. And really, if you really want to stay faithful and sincerely fear you won't be able to, then you shouldn't go. People 'suddenly' get sick all the time. But......you seem like a smart man, you are very well aware of your limitations and how to resist temptation.

For now, whats worked with me......all the drama and the bull and if I got caught, would it really be worth it? Be worth all I could lose-my marriage, my husband, my family, my husbands family, my kids would be devastated, my friends, my reputation in the community, my colleagues finding out? Nah, not really. Your wife who you choose to stay married to is trusting you right now, would you let her down? But I get it........So flirt on......but keep your hands in your pockets.

What does prevent you from cheating?

^ all excellent points.

I want to feel confident and in control of the decision not to cheat; that's my goal and I sincerely think I can get there.

But Shore is right - you make that decision in your own mind long before you leave the house for the party. You're lying to yourself if you think otherwise; at least in my experience!!

^^^what Shore said. And/Or you could put a rubberband around your balls & every time tempted, go to the rest room & snap it. LOL! Sorry Leaving, I couldn't help myself.

Go, have fun, flirt but don't touch! You are right. You make that decision before you leave the house.

Wow Clover! Are you holding a little anger towards men's parts? Lol!

I have always been a master of controlling myself until lately. Yes I am in control of my world and it is my decision when I leave my home. The problem is I am wanting to and I don't currently trust myself. My intention is to be good, flirty with no touching. The problem begins when my body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice change revealing my desires. Once she knew I wanted her she was then in full pursuit touching and whispering. I then tried to keep myself in rooms with lots of people so I didn't get caught alone. Eventually I left early with her wanting to talk before I left. I told her I couldn't.....and left. The reality is I wanted to grab her by the hand and lead her off to a night of passionate, mind blowing sex.
Like I said, I don't trust myself because I want to.

I hear you, but again..... You can only rely on yourself. There is not some unseen gravital force that is going to throw you kicking and screaming into the arms of another woman.

Let me tell you this. I heard from an 'ex' about 10 days ago.- I didn't respond. I'm going to be at an event with thousands of other people today and I know he will be there. It's easy for us not to run into each other. But there is a HUGE part of me that wants to text something flirty like a simple, 'I'm next to _______. You have 10 minutes'
But I won't......because it's not worth it.
Maybe you really want to cheat- and maybe you need to come to terms with that. It really all comes down to a decision, despite the temptation, I choose not 'to go there' '

I did learn that cheating isn't something that you have to do and get out of your system. For me the sheer thrill, the passion was an addiction.

^^ yep. That too!

I thought I just wasn't done sewing wild oats; experiencing all (the men) that life has to offer. I blamed marriage for imprisoning me, and denying me the right to do so.

But really I was/am just a friggin' addict who loves the rush. Once I came to terms with that, with the idea that I AM actually a monogamist (I read up alot on polyamory and I just don't think I could actually handle it), it became more clear how to combat my problem,

It seems like you will cheat eventually, Betterman. Your resolve will weaken unless you find a way to solidify it... Once you open Pandora's box.. Well.. You'll be just like the rest of us!

Shore and Pretty: Your words are absolutely correct. I have said some of those same words myself. I think we all have. Your perpspective from the other side is a large part of why I haven't crossed that line yet. Thank you.
I am just tired of fighting off the urges.

You know what I would say - be very careful! After what I continue to go through, no affair sex or relationship could ever be worth the fallout of it going public.

You ARE in control of yourself, BUT there is a point of no return with desire. You sound like me before I crossed that line. I debated and debated in my head, read articles, scoured the internet for wisdom, and I felt like I was headed down a road or as you call it "trap." I get it. Just this weekend I was hanging out with a good friend and her husband. I was looking at her with jealousy because she was so content, so "ignorant" of the other side. Once you open that door, there is no closing it. I sure wish I had walked the other way. My arrogance that I could handle the temptation was my downfall. As time passed, the fear of the temptation turned into desire. I was no longer afraid and made excuses for why it was ok. If you keep flirting with temptation, you will let it take over you. Your mind will play tricks on you and you'll let it. If you really don't want to fall into the trap, don't go. Run. I read lots of warnings just like this one and I didn't heed them. I regret it.

I have decided multiple times to either not attend certain events, even though there was an expectation that I would be there, or bring my kiddo with me, even when it's an all adult event (with host permission, of course). Sometime I just need to remove myself from tempting situations, or create impossible roadblocks that demand appropriate behavior. Whatever works to keep me on the "straight and narrow."

Clove... The quintessential ball buster.. That is funny but just thought of a rubber band ..... Oooch!

From one betterman to another... This is a no brainer for me .. Don't go. For me.. Any chic that even knew my wife was strictly off limits. No flirting, no fucking, no nothing. Not even an ice cream lick. Hey.. and since it's just us 2 guys talking here.. Listen man.. You know how this shit goes with woman sometimes.. Catty stuff. Bet there is more than one of them at that party that would love to whisper something they "seen" at the party about you to your W.. And then give a concerned doe eyed look to your poor W.. Run away man!

Again I greatly appreciate the warnings. Your perspective from the other side help immensely. I do try to maintain arbitrary barriers when possible. I have found women are less catty and more interested in seeing if they can raise the interest of a taken man. Just as an ego boost if nothing else. Or is it fresh meat in a cougar den....?!?! Either way I need to figure out why I want them so badly. It was a lot easier to fend off the advances when I had control of my emotions.

You don't have control of your emotions (even when you think you do), only of your thoughts and actions. Emotions come and go. Notice them but don't give them control. Remember and tell yourself: I have a choice. And then make the right choice not because of your emotions but despite them.

But it doesn't sound like you want to make the right choice and that is the problem.