I will my triggers are sugar skulls and traveling. ExAP loved sugar skulls and while on a trip I sat with her while she got a tattoo of one. We traveled together a few time and had dreams of going other places. The kid free traveling was great. So when ever I see post of people traveling without kids I think of her.

I regret every moment my stbx felt less, alone or had to question if she was enough. I regret the pain. I had two simple roles, husband and father. I royally messed up one which has impacted the other. That regret is mine and I doing my best to be enough as a father for our kids.

I wanted my husband to make that decision for me as well. I didn't want to have to choose AP or marriage. I have come to regret the affair because it basically destroyed me as a person, but I am also grateful because I have learned so much more about myself in the aftermath than I ever would have. I also regret the effect it had on both of our families. It took me a while after discovery to feel the regret.

And yes, I have to stop myself from thinking about certain powerful memories. One of the best days of my life happened with AP. I am grateful to the universe for it but should not pull it out and look it over too often.

I love this topic. And because of the events in the world, in Florida in the past week, I've been thinking a lot about regrets, living my life differently. My affair was absolutely the most paramount "event' (if you will) that has ever happened in my life. And, believe me, I've had a lot......

I actually don't regret my affair.
It changed me and it taught me so much about myself and about others.I actually believe it was part of my growth in this lifetime. I look at things differently. I'm not so quick to judge. I know if someone like me can enter into an affair, ANYONE can. I will never say never again. I am fallible, I am human.
I learned good or bad there is more than one person out there for us. I believe we all cross paths for a reason.
My AP and my A indirectly taught me so, so much- good or bad there is more than 'one' person out there for you. I learned to appreciate what I have, that the grass is not greener, that blantantly deceiving someone so much is not a means to an end and is not working to the greater good in ourselves or in our relationships.
But I learned I was capable of doing just that.
I learned that there are just people out there who don't care, who think of only themselves. (and for awhile, I was one)...that no matter how much I was hurting someone directly or indirectly, I just didn't care.
I also explored things I would never, nor will I ever explore in myself again- although never say never, right?. I woke myself up sexually in a way that was sheer exhilaration. I'm GLAD I explored those things.
I learned intimacy. I learned that you can love two people at the same time.
I learned that it is HARD to end an affair, its not as simple as 'just end it'. I learned that you can't, you just can NOT be friends again.
In learning to appreciate what I have, I learned that marriages and people are not necessarily what they appear to be on the surface. I also learned that not all marriages are meant to last, and that's ok. Staying and being married is a choice that both parties have to be fully committed in doing so. If not, what is the point? I learned that life is too short to play that game (should I stay or should I go) and that if your life is not bringing you joy, bringing you love and satification, then, as much as it hurts, only you can make changes. No one else can do that for you.

So, no all in all I do not regret the affair nor the time I spent with him, nor the experience. I genuinely wish him the best.

With all that there are aspects I do regret. I regret the lies I told.
I regret times I missed things in my kids lives for another few minutes that turned into hours in a hotel room.
For example, I missed my son's only home run he ever got because I missed the first few innings of a baseball game because I need a few more minutes with 'him'.
I regret all the times I was there, but not present on vacations or outings because I was too busy texting my AP or sending him pictures that should have only been reserved for my husband or my family.
I regret putting SO MANY PICTURES 'out there' for a relationship, that at the time, I never saw ending.
I regret al the times I lied to my friends and said I couldn't see them because I had other things to do, when in fact I was spending time with my AP, friends I need now.......friends who stuck by me......

In this world now filled with hate, filled with disregard, filled with lack of compassion, I regret not saying anything when he spoke badly about his wife. I regret listening to him (and by not saying anything I was showing support) when she would call and he would want me to perform a sexual act on him while he was on the phone with her talking to her about things she was doing....for him, for there kids, for their family......
It turned him on and I would do anything to turn him on...to keep up 'the feeling'. I regret the dishonestly I also exhibited, lying to my kids about where I was, having them getting other rides home from activities because mom was too busy f-ing her boyfriend, I regret telling my husband I was sick all day, and never got around to this or that, when in fact was I was deeply hung over from partying too much during the day with my boyfriend. (Although great partying it was....) I regret putting my affair above my career, above people that were relying on me and saw potential in me

Crazy shit we do in the midst of the fog.

I admire your candor with your wife. I, too, told my husband I was unhappy.

So, yes, I think its healthy and normal to not regret the affair. She may turn out to be 'the one', and that's great!- but don't forget to give yourself some credit for being upfront with your wife and giving your marriage the old college try out of respect for your wife and your family.. That requires great strength. As identifying that you know you can't do that with her in your life. Kudos to you for that. Not a lot of us had that strength.

Life is too short to be anything but happy and to live a life not filled with regrets. I think we are all learning that this week with these horrible events. Who knows what lies ahead for each of us tomorrow?
My God...who knows, right?
Be honest. love one another, don't hate, have compassion, rise above adversity.....If your marriage isn't working for you, its ok, but let the other person in on it (and you are). No one should be judging you or me or any of us.

Sorry for the length of this. It truly has been something on my mind this week, thanks for putting it out there.

The phone call, sadly, I can relate. I have no idea why it seemed remotely OK at the time. I have to accept that I was that person when I was fully addicted to the affair.

I do not regret it. Both my H and my AP are good men. I'm thankful to have been able to experience both of them. I only wish I could live two parallel lives to adequately love them both. Perhaps that makes me the odd one.

I don't regret ending my marriage, but do regret how I did it.

I definitely regret ever minute of the A. WORST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE!