Cheaters Anonymous Community Group

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Did this really have anything to do with the affai

RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
the married man i cheated with- told me that our affair happened mostly because his wife opened the door to his sexual fantasies by having 3 somes and for sometime after becoming what is known as "swingers"...... soon after he found out she was cheating with one of the men and the woman was calling him wanting him to be with her- so he says they cut it off.... so then he said this is Karen's fault... so i wanna know- how is this her fault? and what are all of ur opinions on this- i truly just don't understand how anything justifies him going in between me and his wife for a year?.... i am trying hard to get closure on this and try to move past it - but this is one of the things that keeps playing over and over in my mind along with my mind screaming "WHAT THE HECK WERE U THINKING?!"
deleted_user
deleted_user
Just my opinion, and everyone already knows it. He cheated on his wife. It was HIS choice, not hers. He should take responsibility for his own actions and stop blaming it on anyone else. There may be reasons behind what he did. But, the reasons didn't force him into anything. Reasons can't be used as excuses to justify what someone did. It can help explain it, but it doesn't make it any better for the people harmed by his decisions. I just wish some people would own what they are doing and stop trying to justify it by blaming it on what someone else did. I mean, that's a simple thing I'm trying to teach my children. They get marks on their report cards about how well they get along with others and how well they accept responsibility for their own actions. There may be a reason why my son got mad at the kid sitting next to him and hauled off and pushed the kid out of the chair. But, that does NOT give my son the right to do that to another person. Your OM does not understand this concept that most children are being taught. You can't blame someone else for your poor choices in life.

This man sounds like poison to you and to his wife. If he's not man enough to own up to and face his mistakes, then he's not worth your time. He'll end up screwing your life even more, and then he'll blame that on you, too.
RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
yeah he already did that to me already - i was loving, devoted and completely faithful to him.... he ruined both our lives for over a year and we both spoke to each other and took our part of the blame for taking him back and forth and allowing this to be done to us...i just am really not getting that he says- ok- if i wouldn't have been a swinger with her- this wouldn't have happened and ur right- he fully blames me... he did admit something that really made me mad though- said he went into this like it was a game thinking nobody would get hurt- and he now realizes u can't play with people and their hearts....although i don't honestly think he will ever learn his lesson....
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well, again, I'm so sorry for your pain in this. He's not worth it. I hope you can move on. There is little that any of us can do to change another person. They have to live with their own decisions and then be able to look at themselves in the mirror.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oops, I think what you said about trying to teach your children is a valid point. I teach young children. I don't know how many times I have corrected one of them only to hear, "but she did...." or "It's not my fault, he...." In our school we hold 7-year-olds accountable for their actions. So a grown-up won't just suck it up and face the choice that THEY chose to make....well, it really is a bit sad, isn't it? Oh, and when I redirect my students' behavior, they actually stop the behavior instead of continuing to do it. Novel concept, eh?