Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
Hello, this is my first day reaching out for help. I have been involved with my lover for 18 months. We met at work and couldn't stand each other in the beginning. We started going to lunch, then on a personal level talking about our marriages. Once he heard I was sexually deprived and had been for many years his main focus was
to convince me to just sleep with him once. Of course he was going through same thing. He tried for 3 months straight and I gave in. I am married 27 yrs and he 18yrs. I have to admit that I have been unhappy for many years but made the choice to stay married. That's all I knew being married at 19yrs old. My OM showed me a life that I never experienced. It was not only about the sex. We traveled together and had a blast just hanging out.. We were compatible in so many ways. The problems started when we feel in love. He wanted me to wait for him. That he was not going no where. I fought our affair from the beginning based on fear of getting caught and my guilt. He wouldn't let me go. That is until I broke him down. He is tired of me calling it off and he can't go through the emotional roller coaster. I just recently promised that I would hang on for 6 months more and he was planning a cruise together. But I couldn't stay strong. I told him I couldn't handle him going home to his wife anymore. I feel like I lost him for good this time, althought I know he was never mine to begin with. I feel so stupid to allow the affair to happen. I feel so miserable now. I love him so much but couldn't keep living two lives. I am planning on leaving home but not because of this, but I need to find out who and what I want in my life. Not fair to my husband to keep living this lie.
to convince me to just sleep with him once. Of course he was going through same thing. He tried for 3 months straight and I gave in. I am married 27 yrs and he 18yrs. I have to admit that I have been unhappy for many years but made the choice to stay married. That's all I knew being married at 19yrs old. My OM showed me a life that I never experienced. It was not only about the sex. We traveled together and had a blast just hanging out.. We were compatible in so many ways. The problems started when we feel in love. He wanted me to wait for him. That he was not going no where. I fought our affair from the beginning based on fear of getting caught and my guilt. He wouldn't let me go. That is until I broke him down. He is tired of me calling it off and he can't go through the emotional roller coaster. I just recently promised that I would hang on for 6 months more and he was planning a cruise together. But I couldn't stay strong. I told him I couldn't handle him going home to his wife anymore. I feel like I lost him for good this time, althought I know he was never mine to begin with. I feel so stupid to allow the affair to happen. I feel so miserable now. I love him so much but couldn't keep living two lives. I am planning on leaving home but not because of this, but I need to find out who and what I want in my life. Not fair to my husband to keep living this lie.
Although my situation is a little different, I know your pain. I've been married for 10 years and have a beautiful family to raise so I know that I cannot go anywhere at this time in my life. They don't deserve to pay for my issues. And although my husband and I have had problems from the beginning (sexual also), he doesn't deserve what I've done and the pain it would cause if he found out.
In any case, it still hurts. Losing someone is never easy, even when it's the OM. It is such a rollercoaster, that's for sure. Hang in there and best wishes! If you need someone to talk to, I'm here :-)
My hugs again go out to you!
I am 18 mos. post separation, but I've been seeing a woman off/on for almost 7 mos who is, I hope, about to get separated. I say off/on because we've had many periods of "no contact" during that time. The guilt tears her down, but her time w/ me builds her up and gets my hopes up. Also, time w/ him tears her down and we go around the track again. So I get a lot of what you're talking about w/ the roller coaster. We love each other. I thought she was about to leave him when we first met, which is part of how i rationalized getting involved in the first place, just as a friend...but after a while we got together, and guilt kept her from leaving him.
We're currently supposed to be not contacting each other. She's getting close to leaving him. She has told him numerous times she wants a D, she doesn't love him, but he knows how to say just the right thing to get her to stay. She told him about us, and he's used it to manipulate her. Ugh. Sorry, I'm rambling.