Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
The past 6 weeks has been hell. My good, kind, soft-hearted husband has turned into an angry hungry lion. Walking around with so much anger. I feel so trapped. I haven't made any contact with the OM. When i walked into him at a shop I told my husband, I've been open and transparent. I've been going for therapy and really concentrating on picking up the pieces of my life. 8 Months before Dday I started seeing a psychologist to "help" me with the break up with the OM. It was really tuff to let go.
It was interesting to feel relieved and free when my husband found out (he found a lengthy, personal conversation between myself and the OM, he has saved this and threatened to use it in a custody battle should there be one). The freedom has since made way for a new jail. I thought we (me and my husband) were on the road to recovery, even though he hasn't worn his wedding ring, I really thought there was hope. I've since found out (by going onto his computer) that he has contacted a divorce lawyer. When I confronted him with that he said that he wanted to sue the OM and really take him to the cleaners, but he won't anymore. He has also "jokingly" mentioned hiring an "economic hitman" to take out all the OM's accounts. He has downloaded spyware onto his computer to see what I am browsing on the internet, but said that he hasn't used it, He also mentioned that if he really wants to "catch me out" he will get a "sniffer" on the wifi. I was really shocked that my good, kind hearted husband would go to these lengths.. It feels like I am in a John Grisham novel. Two evenings ago he went onto my contact list on my cell phone and changed the OM's number to his own number as a "joke". I am not laughing. I said I was not making any contact and I WONT! I am NOT a cheater, I have cheated but this does NOT define me! I've made a horrible horrible mistake at the cost of my family. I am ashamed before God, my children, my parents, my husband and myself. I am trying to pick up the pieces and move on, focussing on what is good and positive. It is just SO difficult in these "circumstances". Am I self-centered to want to move on? He interprets it that I don't have any remorse for what I've done. It feels like I want to shout out to the world "HELP ME! I am drowning!" I am scared and I don't know what to expect next.
It was interesting to feel relieved and free when my husband found out (he found a lengthy, personal conversation between myself and the OM, he has saved this and threatened to use it in a custody battle should there be one). The freedom has since made way for a new jail. I thought we (me and my husband) were on the road to recovery, even though he hasn't worn his wedding ring, I really thought there was hope. I've since found out (by going onto his computer) that he has contacted a divorce lawyer. When I confronted him with that he said that he wanted to sue the OM and really take him to the cleaners, but he won't anymore. He has also "jokingly" mentioned hiring an "economic hitman" to take out all the OM's accounts. He has downloaded spyware onto his computer to see what I am browsing on the internet, but said that he hasn't used it, He also mentioned that if he really wants to "catch me out" he will get a "sniffer" on the wifi. I was really shocked that my good, kind hearted husband would go to these lengths.. It feels like I am in a John Grisham novel. Two evenings ago he went onto my contact list on my cell phone and changed the OM's number to his own number as a "joke". I am not laughing. I said I was not making any contact and I WONT! I am NOT a cheater, I have cheated but this does NOT define me! I've made a horrible horrible mistake at the cost of my family. I am ashamed before God, my children, my parents, my husband and myself. I am trying to pick up the pieces and move on, focussing on what is good and positive. It is just SO difficult in these "circumstances". Am I self-centered to want to move on? He interprets it that I don't have any remorse for what I've done. It feels like I want to shout out to the world "HELP ME! I am drowning!" I am scared and I don't know what to expect next.
While how your husband is acting seems frustrating , you must remember at six weeks from Dday he is in more pain than you can IMAGINE.
Please read question # 8 on the link.
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp
My only advice to you is to take it ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Try to be as helpful as you can while your husband heals.
I hope that helped.
Best of luck to you.